I MADE A MISTAKE IN A SOCIAL SITUATION AMD I WANT AWAY BUT I CANT EXACTLY RUN AWAY WHEN IM IN CLASS
I never feel good enough. When I had a job as a cleaner, I felt I was too slow and meticulous and that I wasn't helpful at all. When writing papers for uni, everything sounds stupid. I don't know if I'm actually good for anything. And talking to people is a challange. I mess up constantly and it's so embarrassing. I often have to repeat myself because I didn't phrase it clearly enough. I don't know what I want to do for a living, but I worry that I'll always feel inadequate like this regardless of how different the setting would be and the fact that socialising is inevitable in any situation is stressing for me.
My little sister always traces the scar on my throat with her little fingers. I love her so so so much.
Adam’s house Books on table Pencils scribbling Trombone sounds coming from upstairs Adam telling me Hurry hurry hurry up with your homework So we can play Halo. Yummy smells coming from the kitchen, Adam’s sister tapping her fingers on her nose Counting syllables or maybe integers. Everyone busy. But then there’s a key in the door, And shuffling shoes Adam’s mom shouts something from the kitchen Adam’s dad comes in, loosening his tie Dropping his briefcase. Adam’s sister stands and hugs him Adam tells him about the math test and how well he did. The trombone sounds stop and Adam’s brother flies down the stairs. They are a crowd. They are talking all at once. Adam’s dad acts annoyed as he tries to get to the kitchen but he’s smiling. Adam’s mom steps into the dining room Wipes her hands on her apron Kisses him big on the mouth And I am still at the table Alone Thinking of my own dad About how he disappeared one day Without a word. And I’m feeling suddenly itchy to not be here In this house But I can’t be anywhere else And Adam’s dad says over the noise, Timothy. My name. And he nods at me. And I nod back Swallowing a rock in my throat. Wondering why everything just got so painful.
Fuck me now or forever hold your peace
Every time I take a personality test I am either an ENTP or ENTJ 🙄 What am I? Can I be both kinda ambivalent? or am I something in between
I hate how in the world of universities, there's this mentality that nothing is true and everything is debatable. I mean when it comes to science, I get that it's self-critical and nothing can be 100% proven because contradicting evidence for any given theory could be discovered at any time - and in fact, it IS constantly discovered. What annoys me are ideas like "all truths that we perceive to be there are actually constructed through language so they're not inherently true". (This is something that was actually said in an educational video that was part of a course I took in uni.) Like what the FUCK? That lamp is in the ceiling and that is that, are you honestly saying that without language it wouldn't be there? This shit is going too far...
My ultimate sexual fantasy is to have sex with twins
all my life I've been told that I'm pretty & beautiful! I've been told im what fantasies are made of with my waist length hair & my body having all the right curves & a perfect ass!! but I just don't see what their are talking about!! i mean, I hate the way I look & would rather cut all my hair off again!!!! I wish I would of had a mother who cared enough to show me how to be feminine & girly!! I blame her for my lack of self esteem & never have had much confidence in myself or my looks!! It makes me sick to know that I now have 3 beautiful daughters & I don't know how to teach them these things!!
My girlfriend is so boring. The sex is boring, our relationship as a whole is boring. Everything we do together is boring. If I won $300 million she would find a way to make the situation boring. Having sex with her is like fucking a wooden plank. When we go out for dinner the conversation is boring I almost fall asleep. When we watch tv together mostly the shows she likes shes on her phone the entire time. I tried talking to her about it and asked if shes ok or if anything is wrong and she claims everything is great. I told her ive been getting a weird vibe and she said maybe it’s because I was sick lmfao sorry ass excuse. I want to have fun, i want to feel wanted in my relationship.