Period makes me crave for hugs constantly. But hugging is too awkward for me to do.
I’m going through something... and I feel so alone. My friends... they’re leaving me behind. I can’t catch up to them anymore. If I’m ever mentioned, it’s to pick on my mistakes. I hate how things have become now. I hate how tense everything is. I don’t trust any of my friends now, since they seem to be anything but trustworthy. I can only depend on my family but they wouldn’t understand this... I’m tired. So, so tired.
So... I can't remember my age anymore. I have always been a little embarrassingly forgetful about that, but it was more of an "I am eightee- oh wait haha meant to say nineteen, I got so used to saying eighteen last year haha". But lately I went around telling people with full confidence that I'm 20, until my brother corrected me. And now I noticed that every time I'm thinking about my age, I have to calculate it with my birth year. It's crazy. I'm crazy.
I am afraid of dogs and I hate it so much when dog owners let their (large) dogs run free, and then when I walk by, they run towards me and approach me and the owners either don't do anything, or they try to call their dog back but it doesn't listen. On my way home I have to walk past a meadow which attracts dog owners like crazy, and they let their pets run free there. It happens about once every two weeks that a huge dog runs towards me without anything stopping it and I always almost get a heart attack and then cry for some time afterwards (maybe it's a panic attack, I don't know). And I hate the owners for it. I understand that you need your dog to run sometimes, but I think it's rude as hell to do that anywhere else than in a dog park, except for when your dog is well trained and listens to orders. And I don't care about when they always say "he only wants to play" because ... it's an animal. It has happened so often that animals suddenly attacked out of nowhere. My friend was attacked by a dog who "just wanted to play" (which is probably the reason for my fear to be honest). I just think it's irresponsible.
well, I don't know any better way to explain it so ill just say it. I used to walk naked in front of my sliding doors so my next door neighbor who was 15 could see me. I don't know exactly why I did it, I guess because he didn't really have any friends but I didn't it more than a few times
I am having hallucinations right now and I'm very afraid. I've never had any before. And no, I didn't take drugs; I am ill and it probably comes from the weakness and fever. They aren't even severe; it just looked like it was raining outside, but it isn't. Now it looks like there's fog in my room, but only in one place, so I guess this isn't real either. What scares me about this is that I always thought I'm invincible to this sort of thing. That even though I can't trust on my body (I have a chronic illness and multiple other bodily issues), I can rely on my mind to function. When people talked about hallucinations, I honestly always thought this was kinda made up. I mean, I believed the people who said it, but some part of me just refused to believe that it happens... at least to me. You know? Like when you know that people really die from smoking but you still smoke because "not me". I guess I'm making a bigger fuss about this than I'd have to, and I'm sorry for sounding like a crybaby. I just feel unsafe in my own head right now and this isn't a pleasant feeling. (By the way, I'm going to the doctor tomorrow anyways and will tell him about it.)
I HATE when people call me. It's such a weird pet peeve cause that's one of the main purposes of a phone, but it just annoys me when people randomly call me. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY CALL FOR SHIT THEY CAN JUST TEXT ME ABOUT 🤯
I am planning on faking a concussion just for attention cause I don't get any.
All I want for my brother is to at least treat me like his sister and respect me as a human being. He's always grumpy of me, I cannot talk to him nicely. He always wanted me to go away. But if he wants to know something or wants to get something to me, he's even bother me on my most busy times. I don't mind. I don't mind anyway because if I do he'll ask my mom what the fuck is my problem. The thing is he's the problem. I can't even tell him these because he won't listen, he'll use his so called Philosophy degree towards me. He won't care and he'll just say, "okay okay now go away." I know he has depression and I understand it but he doesn't have to be a dick to me to show me that he has that problem. He needs help, he probably needs medication but again, he uses this Philosophy mindset that made his life even worse. I think Philosophy is a great thing but using that to every simple things just gives life a bit of conflict. At least he should think like a normal human being. I feel like that degree he pursued went all over his soul. He's so quiet and nice to other people and to our close friends but at home, he's a huge ass hole. I wanted to leave home, I wanted to go. I wanted to stay away from my family and be independent. I mean my reasons towards moving away might just be beyond my brother's attitude but yes it's also my brother's attitude. If he can't move out then I will. I'm just trying to find a way to get a job that provides health insurance since I have a disability that requires a constant care to the hospital. But really... I never understood why he's this abusive to me why he can't treat me nicely. I wanted to know if I don't exist in his life what will happen? I mean I know for sure our friends will ask where was I but mostly I think he just doesn't care. But I want to leave anyway, I just want to stay away from him. All my childhood he was like this. Ever since I have my first memory....
It annoys me when my boyfriend asks me to go out and get something for him when I could've gotten it the day before while I was already out if he asked. Or when he could easily get it himself. If I'm going out anyway, like to work or grocery shop, just tell me anything you need that we have money for and I'll get it in one trip. Unless it's one of those days where traffic is really stressful, I don't care. I'd rather get it in one go than get some stuff and have to go back out the next day for one thing. Like the other day I was at the grocery store and asked if he wanted any pop. He gets caffeine headaches without it. He said no, didn't want any. Then the next day he asks me to get him some pop. Made me so annoyed, why didn't you say so yesterday?! We didnt get more money between now and then, and you know how you are with a caffeine headache. He got it himself.