I know that I'm ugly. But please remain your words. I'm human too, do have feelings. I didn't ask for being ugly.. Can someone feel me?
dear myself, please fuck off and finally understand what you are and what you want. Wake the fuck up and find your way.
all i want for christmas is a boyfriend...
I really need new people in my life. This thanksgiving was the first time I hosted, and I did it knowing that 90% of my family would be traveling out of town. I was okay with that, so I wanted to host a thanksgiving for my friends and coworkers who, like me, wouldn't or couldn't be with family. I went through a lot of work preparing all this food and all for 3 people to show up. I was happy they came but disappointed that only 3 showed up (even after others said they would come but didn't). I ended up packing up the leftovers and taking them down to people at my work because well, they were stuck at work and couldn't spend the time with their families. Everyone said thank you and told me it was delicious but the thing I really wanted was the company. Nobody stuck around for more than an hour and I was left alone again. I'm honestly thinking next year I will volunteer time and food to the homeless shelter. I can kill two birds with one stone. I'll be able to provide food for people and have company as well.
I fucking hate braces so much
I deleted my Facebook long time ago because i would sometimes see people post a person who is sick or in danger and then they ask "1 like=1 prayer", i cant stand people like that. But its whatever now, good thing i dont have the app anymore.
I sometimes like to crawl around the house like I'm a spider.... I need to get friends don't I 😐
I feel like no one understands or cares how I feel. I've never done drugs, drank alcohol, stolen, ect. I have a job and my own car that I paid for. I'm an only child and it's been difficult for me. My mom (age 37) has never had a drivers license or a job. We've lived with her mom/my grandma my entire life (20 years). My grandma works M-F 8am-5:30pm and my mom just sits at home all day on her laptop, phone or TV. Growing up I never got to do anything because either my mom didn't want to play with me or I had no way to get anywhere since my mom won't get a license. I usually just played basketball in the driveway alone or a 2 player game against myself. I've been miserable for over 10 years. She grew up with 3 sisters so she has no idea what it's like to grow up with no one. She rarely ever let my friends come over or me go over. I had to bribe her just to get her to consider it which usually still resulted in a "no". I never asked for much. Since I knew there was no way to get anywhere all I wanted was for her to play card games or board games with me. Occasionally I would ask her to play a video game with me or AT LEAST watch, but nope. Her answer was always "No, I don't want to" or "I don't like that game". She couldn't even take 30 min or less out of her day to play anything with me. When I was 14 my grandma's brother and his son moved in. My grandma gave them my room so I had to sleep on the couch for almost 2 years. This affected my school tremendously since I wasn't getting any sleep on the uncomfortable couch. My grades went from B's to C's D's and I even failed math. My attendance was terrible because I had to fake being sick so I could sleep on my grandmas bed when she left for work just so I could get sleep. During PE I almost passed out from exhaustion from running a mile and had to get sent home early because I starting itching and getting a rash all over my body. When they moved out my room was destroyed. They left jars of pee under my bed, sun flower seed shells all over the floor, bed completely stained and springs poking out. I asked for a new bed because I didn't feel comfortable sleeping on a bed used by 2 men I don't know but of course they told me just flip the mattress. The 2 years they lived with us they just made my life worse. My grandmas brother brought a prostitute home once and had her on the couch I sleep on. His son sat at home playing XBOX all day and when he wasn't playing XBOX he was taking my stuff or trying to watch TV in the living room even though there was a TV in my room that they took over. My grandma made me give half of my Christmas presents to him when she forgot to get him something (neither of them got us anything but her brother bought his son a new Xbox 360 and a TV for it). When I turned 17 they made me get my drivers license and gave me $3,000 for a car which I'm still paying back every month now for the past 3 years (car broke down after 2 years, still owe $1,200). I got a job as a caregiver so I could pay for the car and that's making my life a living hell. I have to drive the lady everywhere. She put 12,000 on my car in less than a year and thats how it broke down so I had to keep paying off the $3,000 and buy a different car. I only make $800/month and I spend most of it paying for the car, gas, and insurance. Even with a job and car I can't go anywhere because I don't have enough money, time or anyone to go with. Sorry for the long confession but I've been holding my frustrations in for a really long time.
i put a knife to ny throat tonight and put it down after seeing myself in the mirror for a few seconds, then i started to cry. i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me. i wish i had never been born.
I have my First Gig on sunday and noone of my oldest and "best" Friends Wants to watch and Support me. They also forgot about my Birthday, wich is Nice