While I don't believe in race, I'm an almost fanatical culturalist. If the greatest things a culture has accomplished since the dawn of sapience is a hut made from excrements and modern day witch-persecution, then that culture belongs into the proverbial garbage-bin of history and should never be permitted in the western world, or rather, anywhere except for the proverbial garbage-bin of history...the third world...
Ever since I heard about the Oedipus complex a few years ago I've been obsessively worried about getting feelings for my dad. It's been made worse when I've sometimes heard women accusing each other of looking for a father figure in their boyfriends. It made me think: "What if I'm like that? What if I only want to date someone like my father, or even himself?" I keep getting random sexual thoughts of my dad, and though they disgust me, I keep doubting myself, like what if I subconsciously DO want those thoughts. And sometimes I worry about him seeing me in a sexual way if I'm wearing small clothes like swimsuits or mini shorts. This makes no sense because, like a normal and sane person, he has never indicated that he might think of me like that. Still, I can't get rid of these thoughts. Sigh... This is one of the things that I'm too embarrassed to tell my therapist about.
After 3 years of living with my partner, building up a life from having nothing to having a little lower than basic (but suitable for us), a huge part of my inner self is fed up with it. I'm 21, we live like a family already, have 3 cats (which i really love to the bone), we get along so well, share interests, views on the world and humanity etc. ... Each of us has their own hobbies, he's trying everything to make me happy and I shouldn't be complaining about our relationship at all. Maybe the financial situation could be better (he doesn't have any qualifications/degrees/job and I've been studying and working on both weekends&holidays for 2 years. He's trying his best but that's no solution for the future. This part of me doesn't want it anymore, I feel imprisoned at the thought of living like that till we're old. To him it's perfect, he's had a life with less stability and a history of mental health problems which was cured by what we have now. I used to wish for this kind of life when I was younger, maybe even those 3 years ago. But I've changed somehow. I held back a lot of interests and activities, meeting friends or new people, go out and so on to be there for him. Now I started to catch it up a little bit and realized what I've been missing. I'm living his life, not mine. I would love to have my own flat or living with other people, regenerate, be myself and make my own experiences and decisions. I told him more than once, he's like "You wouldn't be able to do so" , "You can have this even though we live together" or "So you don't love me?" "Why do you want to destroy what we've build up?" I've met someone who used to be in a similar situation and he's willing to help me with fulfilling my dreams. Also my friends, even his mom would appreciate me doing that step into independence and freedom. I don't know what to do and time is passing day by day, also I'm loosing my best years to him and my current life...
Earlier tonight, my sister and I were driving down the street to get hot chocolates. My sister was driving and it was pretty dark out. I could have sworn I saw two people crossing the street and just narrowly miss getting hit by the car a few ahead of us. But, as we got closer, I realized that nobody was there at all. It was incredibly strange and the people looked so real, but I had just imagined it. Can anybody explain? I was somewhat tired but not nearly enough to be having hallucinations.
It's official now, or as official as it can get. I have no friends anymore. Zero. Only good acquaintances. That's better than nothing. I'm quite sure that my old friends would still do me favours if I asked for it, or would give me a shoulder to cry on. That's also better than nothing. But I'm not invited to their parties by default anymore, they won't go out with me just for fun anymore, I'm not the person who they tell secrets to anymore. I don't have anyone to go anywhere with, or tell my secrets to. It's sad. I'm very sad. I've brought it all upon myself, and it was kind of inevitable, but it's still sad.
I have an idea to solve this ridiculous racial dilemna in the US. This is gonna sound insane, but I think it can make everyone happy. So Black people do not feel they are treated right in Red States. Whites more or less don't really want to be around people who resent them. Blue states feel diversity is their strength. Agreed so far? My plan is a form of reperations. Before you ask ,"How do we pay for that?" We kinda already are. The average Black man costs his state a net $600,000 over the course of his life. That's a lot of money. So let's have the states pay to move Blacks who wish to California which apparently needs workers so bad they will ignore labor laws and borders. We can even buy the land from Whites who want to leave. Once there, the state goes even Bluer. Allowing bills that tax privilege to pay for college scholarships or whatever the new majority wants. The reds get to be redder, the blues get bluer, the Blacks get a majority state they don't need White political gatekeepers to run. Everyone is happy. A proverbial 40 and mule. Best of all, we all get to be one country again. Masters of our own destiny.
I hope he can recognize me because I don't look like myself on pictures idk why !!!
For some reason I don't like people who drink coffee in the morning. I don't mean generally drinking coffee, I don't care when they sit in cafes, but rather those people who go to work sipping it out of a to go cup, or even worse, out of their personal cup/bottle. Those who always have a cup of coffee on their desks and say that they can't live without it. Why do I not like that? I have no idea. I guess it's a pet peeve. It's not like I hate people like this deeply, but it lowers my opinion of them, especially if I don't know them well. For some reason I associate those people with being pretentious or arrogant.
Suddenly, I got the mental image of twisting my cat's legs in a way that they break. Now I can't get it out and I feel like a horrible person. It's awful and I'm crying
How can u love one person !! cuz I try and there is no damn way !!!! I just can't like the same person 4 more than one month .