sorry, but as black male, racism absolutely is more prevalent amongest whites than any other other race.
The kine is faint, but I think we're finally pregnant. Is Ethan a good name for a boy?
You think it's easy being me? I'm a disfuncional adult, never had a girlfriend or sex, had friends but pissed all of them and only three talk to me now (I hate one of them btw), can't drive because of my anxiety, can't get a job because of anxiety and the of not belonging anywhere. That's right: I am an outcast, a pariah and always have been since I can remember.
I thought he was going to live on forever
I feel like my anxiety stops me from doing so much in life. All regular life functions become so difficult for me because of it, and I just wish I didn't have that to hinder me. Don't get me wrong, I can still go through my daily life normally - but I get so much anxiety doing the most normal things that it later makes me want to avoid doing things. I pretty much stay home most of the time in order to avoid encountering a situation which causes me to freak out. I most just go to school and work, but even then I overthink everything and fuck myself up. It's tiring.
This last week or two has been really tough on my anxiety and depression. Not full blown panic attacks or anything. But it's been seriously tough to force myself out of bed and make myself go to work. Even when I'm at work, I don't care as much as I used to. I'm either wanting to lie in bed and do nothing but cry and numbly watch youtube, or I'm constantly feeling on edge and ready to snap with rage. Not caring about doing my best at work is making my performance goals suffer which makes my anxiety worse. I need help but I don't even know where to begin. It's tough for me to talk about this with people. I don't like admitting I'm weak, or failing, or that I need help. I don't like admitting any of that in any scenario. I can't afford medical bills and prescriptions. But I can't keep doing this. Trying to help myself with exercise and yoga and breathing exercises helps short term, but I can't put my headset down during a stressful call and start doing yoga. If I'm driving and start panicking, I can't close my eyes and focus on my breathing. What about the mornings I'm running late and can't do my exercises? Or when I'm too depressed to even try?
I don't understand why so many people hate Valentine's day for so - in my eyes - stupid reasons. "It's just a holiday fabricated by the industry to sell flowers and chocolate" so what? Who forces you to buy something? "I don't think that there should be only one day a year to show your partner that you love them" Which law was that again that states that you're only allowed to be affectionate to your partner on Valentine's day? Do you also only show your friends that you like them on their birthdays? Do you hate your mom every day instead of mother's day? "I don't like this American bullshit" again, nobody forces you to celebrate it, so why spoil it for everyone who wants to? I have nothing against people who simply don't like it and say that when they're asked, but I despise those who take every opportunity to tell everyone that Valentine's day is shit, especially after someone was visibly excited about it. I feel that people do it just to seem cool and smarter than anyone else because they "don't fall for the trap". As if making someone happy on a special day is bad.
Ok, I dont mind people asking if they want to help me clean but honestly if you can't clean a spill on the carpet even tho your sitting right next to it. Then I don't want your help with anything.
You're a grown man, old enough to have a grandson but act like a obnoxious child at board games and collectible card games. Games are supposed to be enjoyable and have a laugh with friends. Instead you have to win at any cost and if it means pissing everyone else so be it.
the first time i kissed someone, i was at a kid’s birthday celebration. we were in his house, in his basement. the girl i was best friends with was there, and i got dared to kiss her. i remember staring at the floor and asking her if she wanted me to, hoping she’d say no. but she said yes. so we stood up, and god, i was so nervous. i didn’t know where to look, didn’t know where to put my hands, so i placed them on her forearms, leaned in, kissed her quickly, and immediately sat back down. and all the kids went “ooooh!” but, in all honesty, when i sat back down, i felt a little confused. and a little disappointed. because when i kissed her, i didn’t really feel anything. nothing at all. it was... boring. and i remember wondering why people enjoy kissing so much and why they make a huge deal about it. but then four years later, i met this guy and he was absolutely breathtaking. even when we were just friends, i knew that i was in love with him i think i always knew. the first time he kissed me on the lips, we were in his room, on his bed. there was a thunderstorm outside and we were alone. i was nervous then, too. but it was different. he put his hand on the back of my neck, pulled me in, and when he kissed me, it was like everything else melted away it was like i was on a rollercoaster. it was like my heart was doing backflips. it was like every part of me was shouting, 'finally, finally, finally!' it was like everything i ever dreamed it would be and more. and i had this moment of understanding, and i kept thinking, 'now i see why people like doing this! now i see, now i see!' and for three days, it was the first thing i thought about when i woke up and the last thing i thought about before i fell asleep and it blows my mind how you can do the same thing with two different people and it will feel like nothing or everything depending on if you love them or not. so maybe he wasn’t my first kiss, but he was the first one that mattered.