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I came home from a pretty disappointing day at work and found my fiance did all the dishes, all the laundry (including the bedding), swept and mopped the floors, and took the trash out. I didn't even have to ask. I was fully planning to do that stuff tomorrow on my day off. But he wanted me to be able to relax. And while he was putting my laundry away, he found my journal. He wrote a sweet note in it for me. No judgement at all for what I wrote, just love and support. I'm so happy I have a man like him in my life. Everyone deserves someone like him.

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You asked me if I loved you. You were staring at my face and your fingers were digging into my cheeks. You were four times my age and were supposed to be in charge of me and my sister when my mom was at work. I suppose before all the bad things happened I might have loved you like a boy loves his aunt. You were not my aunt, but I once thought of you as one. But I had red marks on my upper arms from when you would pin me down to the mattress. And scratches on my hips from your artificial nails when you were frustrated and just wanted to take my pants off. I would flinch and my heart would sink with sheer terror every time it looked like you were reaching to grab my pillow. I was always always always afraid that you would suffocate me with it like you did when this all started. I was afraid you would kill me like that. I knew you as a violent person. I don't believe you showed that side of yourself to many people. But you showed it to me and now I'm always afraid. I was afraid then and I'm afraid now. Did I love you? I didn't know what you would do to me if I made you unhappy so I sobbed and stuttered a small, trembling "Yes." And you smiled. I don't remember a lot of the things I said at that age. None of it really mattered. But I always remember that one word and it hurts every time. My mom thinks the whole thing is really hilarious. I know you're on the phone with her a lot and I know you talk to her about me. I know you convinced her that I'm a delusional attention seeking liar. But you and I both know it happened and I hope that one day it haunts you like it haunts me.

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  • I am so sorry that happened to you. that's so sick, i hope you get your justice

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I used to be so sure I wanted kids. I'm pretty sure I still do. I just worry I won't be a good mom. The attitudes 4 and 5 year olds give is going to drive me nuts. What if I fail as a mom? I know I won't be perfect and my kids won't be angels all the time. But what if I'm just a bad mom? I'm hoping our kids will be like I was when I was little. My grandma said I was always good, give me a baby doll and I was happy. I'd be okay with a kid like that. But my fiance was a wild child, had to get spanked and grounded a lot. If our kids are like that, I'm going to lose my mind. I'm trying to remember the parenting tips I read about when I babysit our nephews. But I still feel like I'm losing my mind already and if I can't do this now for 8 hours a day, how the heck will I do it 24/7? I want kids. I don't want to be childless forever. But I'm scared I won't be a good mom.

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  • you'll be fine. You adjust to parenthood. I did. You might like reading some books on child psychology to prep. it'll give you more confidence.

  • Agree with the other answer. An addition: it's in your hands for a big part. Of course a huge part of a child's character is determined by genes, but the other part is determined by upbringing. If you raise your child right - and since about half of this is going to happen automatically since you'll be an example for your child, and since you want it to be like you, you won't have a problem with it - this shouldn't be too hard. Other children might seem hard to deal with, but that's only because they're not yours, they don't act after your example and don't have the values you'd like them to have because you didn't teach them.

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So i just found out today that this girl I liked only liked me because she thought I had money. I’m disappointed but relieved.

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  • Yikes, at least you found out before you got involved

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everyday, I had to witness my mom and my dad fighting. I'm so done. I feels like I want to ...

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  • Find a good time to talk to your mom and your dad, seperately at first. Tell him and her how you feel how it breaks you apart. Your father , your mom, their foght is not your fault. If possible please talk to someone, a school counselor or close relative and friends. Please, you can go through this.

  • to die... but confesster censored my words. thanks

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When I get in a depressive funk, it's hard to take care of my personal hygiene. I've gone weeks without taking a shower, brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, etc. I'm trying to get better at that. So I'm keeping a journal to write down what I've done for personal hygiene that day. If I have proof of what I've done before, maybe it'll motivate me to do it again when the depression hits. Today I timed how long it took me to do everything in a morning routine. Showering (including shampooing and conditioning my hair), brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, and washing my face only took about 25 minutes. Putting on sunscreen/moisturizer, primer, foundation, and concealer only took 13 minutes. Including getting dressed, I can be ready in 45 minutes. Knowing it won't take that long, maybe it'll motivate me to just do it. I'm also thinking if I can think of the journal and days in a row I've taken a shower as a "streak" that could motivate me too. I enjoy keeping streaks with games on my phone I play, why not think of my personal care as a game too? I'm on day 2 of the journal and a 3 day streak of taking a shower. I'm proud of my progress so far, even if I won't tell anyone about it outside of this app.

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  • You might want to look into sites/games like ChoreWars and Habitica. They help you track your days and you get upgrades and items for achievements to help your character progress through the game. It might help fill in the gap of your love for games and personal progress.

  • I'm glad you've done so well lately :) Your method is genius, honestly. Mind if I borrow it?

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Ah damn, I actually rely on imaginary friends to try and feel less lonely.

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  • Same, but I'm a writer so I get to act like they're for/from my writing. Its a good excuse, would recommend it.

  • Nothing wrong with that tbh

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I'm gonna be honest here, when people discuss incels they always take the cream of the shit-crop as example. Trust me, I've been at the point of unquestioned selfhatred and involuntary celibacy, and I can asure you that most of these people are just really sad, do not feel entitled nor hold any unreasonable grudges against anyone other than theirself. Maybe I take the term "Incel" too loose, but to take the delusioned fools that have stared into the abyss of hatred and theoretical social-research as the prime example of an incel is like using a neonazi as the example for a conservative.

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  • Wouldn't know. I was a Chad Volcel. In my experience incels aren't willing to do what they need to get out of it. There is escape if your will is strong enough.

  • Most people who talk about incels have seen stuff from any of the incel sub reddits that have been banned repeatedly because of their disgusting behaviour. The incel community is inherently garbage, and thats not just guys who dont get laid, its guys who use the term incel to describe themselves, and use that to justify being garbage people

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When I was eleven years old, my mom used to force me to hang out with this boy because she was friends with his mother. I never really liked him. he was kind of cocky and spoiled. we were the same age but he was bigger and stronger than me. so one day we were in my house and my mom and his mom were out getting coffee or something like that. when we went up the stairs, he got to the top before me and he spread his arms so that I couldn't get past him. I was still on the steps and he was blocking the way for me. he said something like "I got here first now you have to do something for me." he always did that. according to him, every time he 'beat me' at something I had to do something for him. I think any other day I would have submitted and done whatever he said just so that he'd drop the subject. But I was really frustrated that day and I said "I'm not doing anything for you, move out of the way." But he wouldn't move. I don't even remember what it was he wanted me to do. It was probably something really dumb. He said that I had to. Those were 'the rules.' And he was jabbing his finger in my chest. I don't really know what happened next. I think I yelled at him. Or I said something that really pissed him off. But then he and shoved me and I fell down the stairs. I don't really remember the actual fall. It was just like, he shoved me, then everything went black, then I was crying my eyes out while my mom held me because I was so sure that my arm was broken. But turns out it wasn’t actually broken, it just hurt a lot. My mom still made me hang out with him after that, which sucked because I was terrified of him from then on. I kind of pushed that all to the back of my mind once I stopped hanging out with him, but I realize now, six years later, that my dreams of falling off of cliffs and buildings are due to my falling down the stairs. Also, ever since he pushed me down the stairs, I have done this thing where I purposefully jump off the last five or six steps every time I’m coming down the stairs. I don’t know why. I think I just do it to show myself that I can and that it isn’t scary. I don’t know if that makes sense. The whole thing was dumb and I wish I could completely forget it.

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I wish I had a friend. Someone to laugh and have fun with, but also to talk about serious issues and to help them with theirs as well. But I'm scared of people. When someone talks to me I want to run away like a child.

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