I realized I only hated the idea of being "kinky" because I was sure I could never live out my own kinky thoughts. How do I put it, I'm actually really glad that it turned out that my gf likes the same freaky stuff that I like...when I pointed that out, because she seems like the least "perverted" person there could be, she just said "still waters run deep". Oh, how right she is...
I have a list of research, labs, volunteers, clubs, and class plans but really, my mind wants is to get treatment for my mental health. I wanna just be in a hospital and have a learning time for why im feeling crappy... metaphorically speaking, i feel like my strings are tied up to a hand clock that keeps moving and i have to be dragged along with it or else id be dragged onto an cemented ground and my ass just get bruised up. I dont know when to feel like those string are cut off or when doesthat time freezes while i take time to breath.... im fucking tired of life and the carried expectations i brought up to myself because i chose a career that i love yet super demanding... im happy at the same time im not.... mostly im empty and tired... what is life???
For me, fake breasts (if obviously fake) are as unattractive as a hairy men's chest. I don't find them sexy at all and I don't understand why so many men apparently do, why almost every porn star or Playboy cover girl has them. I don't say this to shame girls who have fake tits; they probably couldn't care less whether I personally like their breasts. It's just a mystery to me how anyone can.
Yesterday I had a poop so big it wouldn't flush. I flushed twice and it just wouldn't go down. I probably could blame the low flow toilets, but that was honestly the King Kong of turds. One of those where my belly hurt so much before and instantly felt better. The janitor came in right after I left. I'm sorry Willy, I didn't know what to do. But I went back later and the out of order sign wasn't on the stall so it must've went down somehow. There were a couple of other girls who left the bathroom at the same time as me so hopefully he doesn't know which one of us left that surprise.
Tomorrow ill have my first day at my new job.. im nervous as fuck
I'll just whistle blow and confess. I had a teacher in elementary school who actually tutored me and gave me so much guides to pass the exam. Little that I know the question and answers were all the things in the exam. I got a perfect score in all my classes ( 8 classes). My conscience hits me often and I felt deeply that I didn't deserve to be an honors kid then because my tutor who is my teacher gave me all the answers to the exam. I didn't get in trouble for it though.... though my teacher then knows I have a crush on him and I was thinking that's probably the reason why. But it was really unfair to other kids like me who get a perfect score as well and get no aid (or maybe they did because I found out when I was in high school, five of us are receiving the same situation). But it was my guilt all throughout. When I moved in a different country and in my middle school days I'm not getting perfect scores anymore and that teacher isn't my tutor anymore. I have no tutor but I still get good grades though. and in High School when I took the SAT exam, I got a perfect score but even though I know I have no tutor or is not cheating, it always reminds me of that guilt I had as a kid. So after that I literally and purposely make one answer wrong for the sake of not having a perfect score because I know I don't deserve it so on my other college exam (ACT) I almost aced it with. Now though I'm applying for an MCAT and I know I'm more mature and a grown person but for some reason I still have a guilt and probably I'll more likely and purposely wrong an answer I know on the exam but I wanna get over that guilt I just don't know how...
sorry, but as black male, racism absolutely is more prevalent amongest whites than any other other race.
I thought he was going to live on forever
This last week or two has been really tough on my anxiety and depression. Not full blown panic attacks or anything. But it's been seriously tough to force myself out of bed and make myself go to work. Even when I'm at work, I don't care as much as I used to. I'm either wanting to lie in bed and do nothing but cry and numbly watch youtube, or I'm constantly feeling on edge and ready to snap with rage. Not caring about doing my best at work is making my performance goals suffer which makes my anxiety worse. I need help but I don't even know where to begin. It's tough for me to talk about this with people. I don't like admitting I'm weak, or failing, or that I need help. I don't like admitting any of that in any scenario. I can't afford medical bills and prescriptions. But I can't keep doing this. Trying to help myself with exercise and yoga and breathing exercises helps short term, but I can't put my headset down during a stressful call and start doing yoga. If I'm driving and start panicking, I can't close my eyes and focus on my breathing. What about the mornings I'm running late and can't do my exercises? Or when I'm too depressed to even try?
I do well academically. That’s the only thing I do well... getting good grades. And because of this I always try to show it and people think I’m snobbish. Yesterday I worked on a project with a girl, and she said that she feels like she can’t do most of it, and that what should does isn’t good enough. She started asking me questions about the material, and the way I was answering her questions made her feel stupid, like her questions were basic or something, especially because she is in her third year and I’m in my second. I didn’t say anything hurtful but maybe my body language and tone made her feel like that. I guess my frustration was obvious even if my words weren’t hurtful. I ended up doing most of the project, and it was obvious she felt bad about it. Why am I such a bitch!?.