i think I'm Polyamorous, but that scares me. I want the attention and love of more then one person, and I want to give that love too, but it's scary too. Only one person I know is into that, but we aren't interested in eachother, as well as I'm still a minor in a strict, religious household. There's no room to explore anything. My mom already thinks the polyamorous prospect is disgusting.... how would she react to her daughter being one?
i miss her so much
When someone uses a word I find phonetically funny, it's awkward when I start smiling like an idiot and I have to convince the other person that I'm not laughing at them.
Meeting people remind me a lot of toy boxes with the shapes on it. She wants a rectangle not you. Damn Triangle.
Writing this to vent, because I can't in reallife, please read this wot. My gf has and/or had schizophrenia. According to her, intrusive voices that reinforce selfdoubt in her have become rare and basically nonexistant, but it was a real problem when she was younger. I rarely talk to her about it, she doesn't like it and it, I confess, pains me to see her getting as pale as a corpse with an expression of eldritch terror on her face, when she speaks about the whole deal, expressing her fear that the whole shit will come back one day...and I can't, for fucks sake, relate...my only experience with that was a time where I smoked way too much weed with my friends and their voices kept lingering in my thoughts after they went home, which was kinda spooky and unpleasant, but gone with the dawn as I woke up the next morning...I mean, I already tend to worry to much, but this whole ordeal just keeps me awake at night. She is so sweet, smart, utterly perfect for me, and I love her, it psychologically and physically hurts to know that she has or at least had to carry such a burden. I hope the fact that the intrusive voices got better/stopped as she got older and through regular visits to the psychologist shows that it just was a young minds interpretation of selfdoubt, yet, being mentally broken myself - yet differently, I know that this hope is in vain.
i wish i was beautiful
I took a long nap today and had a dream where there were two dogs. A big white fluffy dog and an equally big dark brown or black dog sitting next to each other. I walked towards them. The white dog sat there and just watched me. The dark dog jumped on me and knocked me over, licking me. I knew it was playing and just wanted love but it scared me. I tried yelling "no" when it jumped on me. I tried yelling for help when I was knocked over and couldn't get away, but I could barely get words out. It scared me so much I could feel my heart pounding. I knew it was a dream so I forced myself to wake up and get out of there. I'm not normally scared of dogs in real life. I'm trying to google what the dream means but the answers aren't specific enough to answer what it means when the dog was playing but I was still scared. It wasn't growling or biting, but "aggressive dog" is the closest result I'm getting.
I wish I could get over my crush so I can find someone else. Why can't my stupid ass brain figure out he's probably not into me? He has a girlfriend. I'm lucky he even wants to be friends with me. I should take what I can get and fucking move on. But I can't stop my heart from fluttering when he says my name. I can't stop my cheeks from blushing when we make eye contact. I can't stop my lips from smiling just being around him. I have no control and I hate it.
I miss my bed, college life isn't that easy.
24 year old Male. wanna hook up in the southern California area hmu. KIK is Powderedporkmeat. dtf just about any time of day. high dessert area