I've had suicidal thoughts for a long time, but never actually was suicidal. I always knew I didn't have the guts or insanity to do it. But last night, something changed. My life is falling apart more and more, and last night I actually wasn't afraid anymore. All I could think about was how easy it would be to just take my razor blades (I am a biology student, I own some for cutting plants and stuff). I didn't do it because something was holding me back, but I am afraid that the next time something bad happens, or maybe the time after that, it won't be there to hold me back.