I am just tired, sick and tired of everything, you don't even have to keep on reading, it's a TL;DR mess. But writing here helps a little. All my life, all of it, I've been nothing but this obedient little girl who never dared to upset or disappoint her parents. -mom , dad, can I join ballet class? -No! We don't have time to take you there every Sunday! -mom, dad, there's a drawing competition and the teacher said I'm talented enough to enter. -haha! And then what? Art doesn't pay for bills. -mom can you buy me that strapless top? -no way! You look too skinny and weird, you have to always wear baggy clothes to hide those bones. That's just a tiny bit from my childhood. And yet, I never realized at the time how horrible it was, they provided everything, except for confidence and emotional support. They thought if the child is well fed and has a roof then it's all fine. Of course I grew up into this weird awkward teenager, I got bullied, laughed at, my grades dropped because I was always worried about going to school. Then came college, now mom is wondering why I never had boyfriends, well duh! I don't know how to be social mom! Thank you! The fact that I managed to have two friends through college was amazing. Of course now my mother is my "best friend " that I tell her about everything I do, imaginary dates I go on.,, I had no life, but I always had that dream that one day, I'll save enough money and travel away from that place, and start over. To a place where people don't care how skinny I am, a place where people don't shame me for being single, a place where virginity isn't worshipped like in my retarted country. I worked hard after college and saved enough money and left that place. There's an 8 hour difference between my new country and where my parents are. I go to college all day and then work at an ER all night. I try to text and call every once and a while but with my schedule it's almost impossible, and they refuse to understand it, saying I changed and that I'm a horrible daughter. Then I met the love of my life and he proposed, but of course it was hard telling them, how can I tell them that I want to marry a guy from a different nationality and a different religion. It's a big taboo there. But I don't care, I did it anyway, and he's my soulmate, he's so sweet and caring and I can't live without him. But my mother keeps making my life hell, every conversation she has to bash me or remind me of how much of a disappointment I am. It's now 2 am and I just finished an exhausting day, I was so sleepy and ready to get in bed , cuddle my husband and fall asleep. But I found this text from her saying how horrible I am. Now I'm not sleepy anymore, just sitting here sobbing and thinking I have to be out and about by 6 am tomorrow.