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How are you? I'm kinda not feeling good right now. I don't know how to feel. Or maybe I just don't want to say it. Because the moment you admit something, it becomes real on a whole different level. And even though I'm not ready to be confronted with that, I will be honest with you: I'm feeling bad. It's not that "bad" that lasts for the day and the next morning you'll wake up and feel okay again. It's been that kind of "bad" that's with me since 5 years already. Maybe that's what you call being depressed? I don't know. Sometimes, I'm feeling like I "feel" way too much. I become overwhelmed. And I want it to stop. Wether the feelings are good or bad, I want it to stop. I'm trapped. Lost control. Or never had it at all. I was at a point in my life, where I wanted to end it all. But I didn't, I saw hope. Like a little candle in a ocean of darkness. I found things, things that I thought would make me happy. I found motivation, inspiration, dedication. I wanted to inspire others too and strengthen them. It didn't take so long to make me realize that those things, that once gave me so much strength, didn't make me happy. And never will. Did I ever find it? I don't know. It's been a continuous battle since then. And I'm exhausted. I want to find my peace. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe, just maybe happiness is not for me. Life is not for me.

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  • Yep, that sounds a lot like depression. I am depressed as well, and because of that, I've met a lot of people who were, too. And some of them suffered, although they didn't have to. I met a girl who wanted to kill herself twice, until a smart doctor tested her for a thyroid disfunction - she got medicated, and suddenly, her world was bright again. Another girl had a magnesium deficit, and one ''just'' had to find another job. What I want to tell you with this is: please get yourself checked. Don't accept this feeling (or lack thereof) as a part of yourself, ask a doctor for blood tests, you don't even have to mention that you're depressed if this is what's bothering you, you can just say that you feel a little down lately. And if you're strong enough, see a psychologist, but if you don't feel like you can, don't bother with that though for the moment. But get yourself checked.

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