How are you? I'm kinda not feeling good right now. I don't know how to feel. Or maybe I just don't want to say it. Because the moment you admit something, it becomes real on a whole different level. And even though I'm not ready to be confronted with that, I will be honest with you: I'm feeling bad. It's not that "bad" that lasts for the day and the next morning you'll wake up and feel okay again. It's been that kind of "bad" that's with me since 5 years already. Maybe that's what you call being depressed? I don't know. Sometimes, I'm feeling like I "feel" way too much. I become overwhelmed. And I want it to stop. Wether the feelings are good or bad, I want it to stop. I'm trapped. Lost control. Or never had it at all. I was at a point in my life, where I wanted to end it all. But I didn't, I saw hope. Like a little candle in a ocean of darkness. I found things, things that I thought would make me happy. I found motivation, inspiration, dedication. I wanted to inspire others too and strengthen them. It didn't take so long to make me realize that those things, that once gave me so much strength, didn't make me happy. And never will. Did I ever find it? I don't know. It's been a continuous battle since then. And I'm exhausted. I want to find my peace. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe, just maybe happiness is not for me. Life is not for me.