Before anyone tells me it's my own damn fault, I know. I know it is. But I need to vent about this because my anxiety is slowly choking me. My mom's friend was maybe going to sell me his car, which was great. It would be my first car, and I'd be able to actually get my license and be a real adult. Well for the longest time, it seemed like he wasn't going to be able to sell it to me. So I got a little lax with my spending. Buying more food than I needed, paying for lunch with friends and buying their gas, getting some new clothes (which I actually do need). None of my friends have jobs yet, but I do, and since they drive me around I think it's fair that I pick up the tab when we hang out and get them gas sometimes. But suddenly my mom's friend is selling me the car. And now I don't have quite enough money to cover it and I'm panicking. I have almost enough but I don't know if I can get as much as I need as soon as I need it. I hate myself for getting into this situation because I know I have no one to blame but myself. And I'm so scared that I'm going t9 fuck everything up and end up screwing myself over. And I'm also afraid of what my mother is going to think. And I'm ashamed that most people reading this probably think I'm a dumb high schooler, but I'm turning 21 next month. I hate myself so much and I want to die.