Last night he came over and spent the night at my house. The window in my bedroom was cracked so it was cold and he held me close. I was feeling bittersweet. It had been a sad day and I was sleepy but I was glad he was with me. I had my face hidden into his chest when I came to a realization: I never have nightmares when he sleeps with me. Ever since I was around the age of fifteen I have had regular nightmares that wake me up afraid in the middle of the night. I blame the nightmares on a lot of things. I blame the nightmares on all the self-hate I used to harbor for being a gay boy, on the assaults and abuse that took place in my childhood, on my mental dysfunctions. etc etc. But when I fall asleep with him by my side I never have nightmares. I drift to sleep unafraid of what I will dream. He makes me feel so protected. I wonder how he would react if I told him that he is essentially the antidote to my night terrors. Would he feel praised? Or would he think my infatuation for him has crossed the line over to an obsession? I don't know.