My father took out college loans in my name when I was younger I owe about $20,000 and am in debt myself. I'll never get out of this drowning feeling and some days I find it hard to get through the day. The more I look at life the more I see how much it sucks and eventually I wont be able to handle it. By medical definition I'm a binge drinker. Honestly my mom hates me for it always saying I'm from an alcoholic background. But really if I didn't drink with friends on the weekend I think I might have tried suicide by now. My friends remind me life isn't that bad and I have two who beat cancer every time the thought comes to mind I think how unfair it would be to them to do that. I mean they fought with their lives to live, it would be just wrong to waste my life. However I don;t think I'll always be able to say that. I've never told anyone because I think the term depression is a crutch. Something people say to get free medicine. Maybe I need it maybe I don't who knows. I just don't want to be looked at with those eyes, the eyes of pity. They cut deep and all I can think of is them. I wish I had something to live for.