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Throughout my young childhood. I was abused sexually, verbally, emotionally, and physically by the people around me. I was seen as trash and a slut that could be used as a cock sleeve. Now I think of myself as a slut. I crave the feeling of being fucked because it's all I've known. I crave the pain that was given to me as a small child. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to experience the rape again. I'm a horrible person. I want to know what it's like to be forced again. I want to feel the pain of being held down as they use me. and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for exsisting. I hate myself for not fighting back because they told me they loved me. I hate myself for complying with what they asked, no matter how afraid I was. I hate living. I want to die.

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  • Please seek help. The feelings you're experiencing are very normal for victims of abuse, but they're not healthy. You need someone to help you work through them. I'm sorry that happened to you and that you're still suffering the effects of it.

  • I think you really should seek professional help if it's possible, just remember there's nothing more fulfilling than being fully love, accepted and understand by someone. And that love is not gain by saying yes to those force/ rape, you are hurting and it hurts accepting it's ok to be treated that way. Help yourself by Seeking help. Stay safe.

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