Throughout my young childhood. I was abused sexually, verbally, emotionally, and physically by the people around me. I was seen as trash and a slut that could be used as a cock sleeve. Now I think of myself as a slut. I crave the feeling of being fucked because it's all I've known. I crave the pain that was given to me as a small child. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to experience the rape again. I'm a horrible person. I want to know what it's like to be forced again. I want to feel the pain of being held down as they use me. and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for exsisting. I hate myself for not fighting back because they told me they loved me. I hate myself for complying with what they asked, no matter how afraid I was. I hate living. I want to die.