Take it off your chest...
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I have to get this off my chest, I feel so guilty and disgusting. I used to have a crush on my coworker, but got over it when my friend started dating him, and then even more so when their relationship went south and he showed his true colors. He's kind of not a good person under the surface. Today we had a going away party for him at work. He was giving out goodbye hugs, and when he offered me one, I accepted to be polite, because I'm still being cordial with him. And the second he had his arms around me, I just melted. A year ago, I would have died to feel his arms around me, but today, I'm in a happy relationship with a nearly perfect boyfriend and I recognize that I dodged a bullet with my former crush. But that hug felt so nice. He caressed my hair and held me for what felt like a very long time, and I felt so at home. And I hate that. Why did I feel that? Why did I react like that? I know I used to be in love with him, but I barely even like him as a human now, much less as a potential mate. But physically I'm still drawn in by him, his scent still makes my heart race, his voice still gives me shivers, his eyes still make me weak. Why? I'm so mad and disgusted with myself, not to mention I'm kind of freaked out that he touched me that way because caressing someone's hair is not something that happens in a casual, friendly hug. I feel guilty for liking it when I have a boyfriend. I feel guilty for, deep down, a tiny part of me still craving that touch again, just wanting him close to me, despite how I feel about him.

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  • I had feelings for someone for YEARS before every ounce of attraction was gone. I wouldn't read too much into it. be happy with who you're with. doesn't make you a bad person, you can't really decide who you fall for. just leave it as 'that was nice' and move on. your heart can take longer than your head to realise someone's true colours and that they really aren't an option so don't let it overrun your head. you're human. it's normal.

  • if one feels very strong attraction to another those feelings may only slowly fade away over many months or most likely years. even when you meet someone that you develop a relationship with those feelings for the other person will still be strong for an extended period. I still have attraction for one girl I fell in love with in high school I've never dated. We became close friends throughout 4 years of college but we never dated. I wanted to date her every single day through college it wasn't meant to be. since then I have been in love two other times I have been married to the same woman for 33 years and I still think about my first love occasionally. and I still have a contraction for her. at least for me, I believe once loved always loved if there wasn't some traumatic awful break up.

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