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I know I am deeply depressed. I had tried different things to distract myself from suicide which would only work for months then I need to find new distractions to not kill myself. I found hatred to keep me alive and been working for a year & half. Also, I made a promised to someone that I haven't fulfill so it is keeping me alive too. Recently, hatred is almost not enough reason to kill myself. My family and relatives are abusive, manipulative and emotional abuser which also made me depressed. They are so toxic too. I want to kill myself already to end everything. Because of hatred, I said to myself that I will be the one to see them die and buried. But I badly want to kill myself now

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