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Today i did my first muay thai practice in like a year, with other ppl that is, i had been training alone at home. i expected to do much better than i did, i sucked really bad, looked silly, didnt dodge as many punches as i thought i could at all and we werent even punching fast. my friends said wow ur good, but im not, i should be much better than this, i got very sad, and then afterwards i was walking home and looking at my ig and i saw Rose was online, i wanted to write her about it but i thought it would be tactless, so i just told her that shes my hero and that shes the best, and she hearted my reply immediately, they i said ''omg hi'' and she saw it but didnt reply or heart it.. then i just said have a good night Rose, and she didnt see that one. i hate this feeling that i dont matter and not care for, i wish she cared for me, i wish she was my friend, i wish she thought well of me and wasnt annoyed like she probably is. so this is what actual despair feels like, i just wish it would stop, i just wish i could fast forward to 10 years when Rose is my friend and we hangout and i tell her about my life and listen to her and she thinks well of me

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  • If she is famous celebrities, it is admiration, a goal to strive forward to be a better you. If writing to her everyday keep you motivated then write some short notes to her every day but she's still not your friend so can not hope too much expectations, it is unhealthy for your feelings.

  • As a fighter herself, I think she will like to read about your experiences, your kicking or how you train, so don't be discouraged.

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