Today I developed a crush... Well multiple crushes but for the first time since I firmly rejected the guy so badly wanted to be in a relationship with me.... I felt romantic feelings for someone else without guilt. Me and him were too similar, and even tho we could have been great, the chemistry wasn't want I wanted... But I kept talking to him because I have a hard time saying no to people and putting my feelings first. However when I finally said it straight to him that I could give him the emotional availability he wanted. I felt free... Guilty for being so dam happy but free. The guilt lasted for months because he wasn't a bad guy just not the right one for me. Although new years was my turning point. I developed a couple crushes on some new friends I'd made through gaming....it felt so nice to like someone else innocently with no strings or requirements. Although today my sister came back from a trip visiting that guy's family (her boyfriend is his brother) she said he looked depressed. Which was something I feared. That I would move on and be blissfully happy without him... And he would still be hung up waiting for me to be ready to date him when that day will more the likely never come. This is for him. Move on. don't you dare let me hold you back. Screw waiting for me or anyone else. Make yourself happy. You deserve happy and neither of up deserve to feel tethered to one another. WE DON'T OWE EACH OTHER ANYTHING! so don't feel like you've lost something that was never yours. You were never mine and I was never yours. It may be harsh but your too nice and pitiful to have this revelation yourself. So heed my words Move on. Screw feelings. Don't let anyone hold you back. I love you... Just not the way you'd want it.