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My family, particularly my mother, has ruined my life in every way they possibly can. I imagine the idea of having another child but being states or even a country away so they can't get to me. This last straw has been my marriage. I'm supposed to be getting married on the 10th of April. Since I need witnesses and wasn't sure who to ask (I really didn't want to impose on my friends, even though they're like family, still felt bad), I asked my mother and her husband. By chance, they're my neighbors. I didn't want a wedding. I seriously just needed two witnesses. I was firm that I didn't want a wedding. I didn't want a bunch of people staring at me. I didn't want anyone going out of their way for me. Mind you, I also wanted this private. As in secret from everyone less not to get drama that I knew would happen. Fast forward, my mother took it upon myself, along with my aunt, to gather a bunch of stuff. It all started when my mom told my grandma. Who in turn, told my aunt. But, she told my aunt about it in a way that made it seem like I "didn't want her involved", which hurt her feelings. She was so hurt she called my mom and my mother asserted herself. Made this into an event. So now behind my back, they got family to build an archway, get a champagne bucket, decor, etc. They were even gonna pick out my dress for me and what they wanted my son to wear. My mother called the man meant to marry us, and she scheduled it to be at her house and picked the time herself. I had no say. Even that, I wasn't super upset. I was patient. But I didn't like them going out of their way for me when I said No and didn't ask them to. Next day, I discussed it more with them. Since they were forcing a wedding pretty much and inviting whoever they wanted, I wanted to see if I could invite like, 5 close friends of my fiance and I. Well my mother had a problem with that, considering my bf invited his sister with her kids, and I invited my brother and his kids. It'd only be fair. And I didn't want people getting angry at me that some came and they couldn't? So it turns into me possibly having to cook for my own wedding day, go gather shit from the store and was expected to babysit everyone's kids to keep them out my mom's house because she didn't want anyone inside to use her bathroom. She also told me I wasn't allowed to invite friends because it was too many people (not cause of covid, because she didn't feel like having people she personally didn't want over.) when I quietly mentioned it was my wedding and I'd really like my friends to come, she screamed at my how ungrateful I was. Keep in mind, who one asked me what kind of cake I even may want. Flavor. What kind of decor. If I was even comfortable having it there. If I even wanted a fucking wedding (because I said many times I didn't, saying calm I really didn't want anyone to worry or strain over me). I've made no request for an event that was supposed to be about me. I've made 0 demands. I've had absolutely no say so. I've been informed nothing about what was bought, planned etc. Next Next Day. After speaking with my mother about the few guest I'd really like over, she doesn't tell me No (this was seriously my only request), Doesn't tell me she's uncomfortable. I ask her if they can come, and she responds that she wants to know just how many so she'd know how much to cook. But then explains what her husband wants to eat and kinda doesn't care to even know if there's anything special I'd like. Like it really didn't matter at all over the idea that Maybe I'd like something or had an idea. Still, I brushed it off. So knowing what I requested, she was informed seriously right next to us, that we were texting people currently the time and place. Still. Said nothing. Her husband promised me they'd rent chairs and tables, and it was all okay. Not to worry and go ahead to invite my friends. I felt more secure with his kinder nature than my mother's. So I get a call this morning. After I already invited these people, along with other family that wanted to attend, my mother didn't want them there. She, and my aunt, wanted it somewhere else. And they suggested to rent this really dirty and shitty pavilion at our local park that's full of garbage. Just so they could accommodate more people. My aunt already has an ugly attitude on the phone with me about it. I didn't even get to say Yes or No, all I got to say was "hang on lemme go wakeup my fiance and get his input if he'd like to do that." Well she scoffs at me, "oh he's sleeping? Pft yea that's nice. Like yes bitch, he worked a 12h shift and got home at 6:30am. I let him know. He also didn't like the idea, but we weren't going to protest. I just didn't want my aunt going spend money to rent a place like that, I was trying to be considerate. So I thought of the idea, of my cousins house. It's a large property. Quiet. Out of public eye. And I knew he'd agree, him and my fiance are absolutely best friends and he's super stoked about us getting married. So I call my aunt back to suggest the idea, minding that she shouldn't spend her money like that, and I knew she went and bought enough things apparently (not like I knew, no one's kept me in the loop and has decided everything they're own for me). Immediately I'm greeted with an attitude. She tells me "well do whatever you want. I'm just letting you know if you do that, we're not going helping you rent things like chairs and tables. Because btw, her husband couldnt get any. Idk if he told you that. And if you get any, we're not going help you set up. We're not going help cook food. We're not going help you decorate. You're on you're own, since you know, nothings good enough for you." I still. Remain calm. Try my best not to lose my cool over being insulted like that after just getting screamed at by my mom and insulted. Of course I'm expected not to defend myself so I didn't. But her saying that really hurt me and made me panic. They expected an event out of me that I didn't even want to have and didn't ask for, and when I finally opt an idea for everyone, I just put down hard. I begin to feel overwhelmed. Imagining cooking for guest, decorating myself, having to change the time and place with the justice of the peace, changing shit for my guest I already let know, along with awkward family I honestly didn't want there anyways. No one's listened to me at all. No one's respected me. No one's respected my wishes. I'm being insulted. I feel humiliated and rude having to stunt this on my friends when people have already changed work schedules. So I begin to cry on the phone. All this blowing out of proportion that I didn't want. Mind you, I was grateful. I understood it was a nice gesture. I haven't been ugly or difficult at all, I understood my mom and aunt expected a nice event and tried to go along with it to the best of my abilities with the information presented. She doesn't care that I'm crying. She tells me "boohoo nothings ever good enough for you isn't it?! You're such a drama queen. How about you get your shit together and let us know what's going on with this wedding since you can't be satisfied with what we're offering!!" I finally snap. I can't go on anymore, and snap at her through hot tears to call it off. I'm done. No one spend another dime on this. No one make anymore than whatever they apparently did behind my back. I didn't want any of this to begin with. I wanted two witnesses and a small trip with my husband. That's it. Tell everyone it's over. And hangup on her. She text me she doesn't appreciate my Disrespect. And how I can't see that they're just trying to do something nice for me. Well. It doesn't end there. My aunt contacts everyone in my family to let them know I'm ungrateful. How ugly I was acting. All kinds of things. She even contacts my cousins mother, and "warns her" not to let me have a wedding on their property because of how disgusting I was acting. She told her she planned two beautiful, lovely things for me and I wasn't satisfied with either. (i didn't say her property. I said my cousins. Different land.) In return she contacts her son and tells him it's not happening. She's not okay with me having a wedding anywhere near them. I need to learn to be grateful with what I was given and should be ashamed. My entire family from my grandma even, is bad mouthing me. No one calls to ask my side. No one questions the situation. They immediately believe on person and leave me to the rubble of tears I'm in, crying on my knees to a panic attack. I couldn't breathe. My heads pounding. My soon to be husband is holding me, trying to calm me down. So not only have they taken everything upon themselves and destroyed a happy memory for me, they even sabotaged a secondary area of getting married with family and friends I DID want involved, if I was gonna have anything. Part two of this, I NEVER ask my mom or family to ever watch or help with my son. Ever. I do it all on my own because they will legit tell me not to ever ask them to watch him. They bluntly say "look ill do it if I have to but I'd appreciate being the last option. So try to find someone else first if you can." I asked my mom if it was okay for her to watch my son for a few days. Just three so we could have a small honeymoon. Nothing even big. Originally she said yes, but now it's a definite no. I'm on my own with that. My father usually never defends me. He told me he didn't care and wanted to be kept out of this. That it was my fault for telling anyone I was getting married to begin with. The only thing he did was call my mom and ask what the hell was wrong, and she told me I was being nothing but difficult and didn't appreciate anything. I've been crying since 8am. I can't stop. I'm so tired. They took away what was supposed to be a beautiful thing between me and my fiance and crushed it. Made me into a rotton person to everyone. I'm humiliated. I've been trashed. No one's listening to me. They're all blaming me when all I did was suggest maybe a different place to have it so my mom was comfortable and my aunt didn't spend her money renting somewhere. Not that I told her I thought it was a trashy idea, I'm not rude like that. I appreciated the gesture and would have settled for it to make them happy. But I wasn't even given a chance to say yes or no before my head was ripped off. Today was the first day in a long time I've contemplated harming myself or worse. I feel sick. Exhausted. Questioning maybe I am a bad person. If I didn't exist, things would be fine. All my life, every single person in my family has made me feel like a burden. No one's wanted me around, so I'm confused as to why they even thought to pull something nice together anyways. I've only ever had one birthday party my whole life for example, which almost no one came. The only thing close to a get together I've ever had, my dad bought food for it and called me a fatass and commented on my weight the whole time, then got angry when I didn't want to eat anymore. That's an example of how they treat me. I feel like if I eat the shit, and we save together, it's okay. Like just focus for the next few years on that so we can move to another town or state and never see these people again. I can't take it anymore. If they don't leave me alone, I'm gonna end up hurting myself. I don't think they realize just what they've ruined for me today. I'll always look back and think about this. I just hope I can stop crying in front of my son, at least so he can sleep tn and not wonder why I'm so defeated and heartbroken.

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