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My crush was my boyfriend's dealer, so they know each other... I have a boyfriend for four months now, he tells me everyday how much he loves me, he told me since day 1. Thing is, i kinda have a crush, a big one, i think it started 2 years ago, on a guy in my school. He's THAT guy that doesn't give a fuck about anything or anybody, THAT guy who is exactly my type, THAT guy who i used to talk to online 'til 6 am last summer, THAT guy who always replied things like "sure, now?" or "ok, my place" whenever i got a bit mad and threw him a "fuck you". About 5 months ago, around christmas, some friends and i met in a bar near my school and there were 8 of us, but in 3 hours there were only 3 of us left, my crush, me and my best friend (the only one who knows how i feel about him). We got to talking, the beer kept on coming, it was so dark in there he was 3 feet across from me and the only time i saw his face behind his long dark hair was when he lit his cigar, for some reason i moved closer to him, he got another round of beers tho i told him i ran out of money, "my treat" he said. Next thing i know, his hand was on my leg and the only thing between his fingers and my v-hole was my pants. Even tho i was a virgin then, i gotta say, he was doing one hell of a job, and with one hand. I write this in april, so 4 months ago at a new year's party is where i met my boyfriend. His friend was my friends boyfriend, long story short, at about 2 am we started to actually look at each other, and we got to talking, and i was sitting on his lap in the kitchen for 2 hours... 'cuz we enjoyed talking and 'cuz the host ran out of chairs. When he had the chance, either cause it was dark or there was no one else there, his hand would have it’s way around between my legs. Over the pants. The thing I hate myself for is that after 4 months of relationship, the best one I had so far, I still have a crush on that guy, I still remember that night, and how he kept telling me “I use the chair, the dog sleeps on the floor, the bed is free” cause he knew I was a shot away from actually going home with him, after 4 months when I thought I could forget about him, even tho I knew it wasn’t possible cause I see him everyday, I still fantasize about him, I still wanna go nuts with him and don’t care about what could happen after that. But I love my boyfriend and I would never do that to him, especially since I found out that 2 years ago my crush was my boyfriend’s dealer so they know each other. The other shitty thing is that now that I can compare what my crush and my boyfriend can do with their hands, I hate to admit that my crush is way better. That gives me another reason why I want see what’s he like in bed...or floor, or wall, that’s not the point because now it’s not only the wish, the desire, but the curiosity too. They’re two different types of people, from the way they look, to what kind of music they listen and what they think and I saw what my boyfriend can do in bed, can’t say I complain, but now I want to see what the crush can do. When we were in that bar that night, and there were still about 6 of us, we started playing truth or dare, except that the only dare was “x has to kiss y”. And my best friend got to kiss my crush and I gave her that dare ‘cuz I thought it might help me get over him. It didn’t. Instead every time my friend gets mad at me she tells me “oh, btw, your crush is one hell of a kisser”. Shit, that only makes me want to hump his brains even more

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  • I say go for it. I mean you cant force yourself if youre always feeling another way. Sure itll be hard on your bf but its only been four months not at all long and if you feel so strongly about this crush and lust him then just go for it. A stale relationship isnt good for anyone.

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