my frist time (im a girl ,17 years ), i 'had sex' i was raped. by my own grandfather.I was 9 i think. no one but me and him knows it, and my mom keeps insisting i go visit him and my grandma.. it always ends with me having a panic attack, and i just can't find a way to say it to anyone, i have never trusted anyone with that secret yet. but i almost told a friend a few months ago, but i saw the look on her face when i said "i have been raped " and decided to stop there and said i was just kidding.. thanks tho the 'anonymous' rule here, i can finally say it. I have been raped, by my own grandfather, and i will never see him again.