I can't see myself going to college. I can't see myself going anywhere. I'd love to be able to see even some sort of a future for myself, but no. I see myself as a poor jack of all trades. I can do most things alright, but nothing good enough to be able to sustain myself. I have severe self esteem issues. I've never let anyone get close, because feel they are better of without me. It's why I didn't tell him my feelings. He's better off without me. He'll find a beautiful woman over there and get married and be happy. Even though it pains me to be away, It makes me happy to see him enjoying his life, even if i'm not a part of it. I'm lost and don't have anyone to help me find my way again.