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i talk really much. i talk really fast. I make so many jokes about everything. I make sure people notice me. I wanna be remembered. I wanna be the guy from your old class you still remember after 30 years. I know i'm better than you, but i feel like the bíggest jerk ever for even thinking that. I cannot be second. When i'm alone, i'm someone else. Being good at everything means everything to me, and not because i need to know i'm good, but because i need to know that you think i'm good. I desperately want to be everyones friend. My best friend dumped me. My reacurring crush loves me... as a friend, because I was there as a friend when she needed help with her own crush I know this makes zero sense to any of you but i need to ramble on right now. I sitting alone in the dark. I should be preparing for exams, but i want to proof that you can ace them without preperation. I dont brag about grades because i know thats anoying, but i'm going to ask about yours because then you might ask about mine. Today i realized the dream of being pro football player is gone, the talent was there but my effort wasn't. Too scared about moving to a club of strangers. Told people i rather would be playing with friends, which was only about half the truth. I stole someones girlsfriend about a month ago, didn't do anything wrong, didn't even kiss her before after she left him, but i still feel bad about it. He wants to beat the crap out of me. I feel bad because i acted on a crush that never got further than a crush, and now she has noone. I feel bad for you if youre reading this. I was bullied as a kid. I was wierd, and i still am,but i managed to make that a good thing. My parents did a good job rasing me. But then i realized that mom isn't always right. I think i'm really anoying to be related to, I brag to my family, i discuss every little detail, i need to win everything always, and i do this at home because it would make me unpopular out there, and they only get to see the perfect part, which is almost non-existent, but if you act like you can do anything they will believe you. But more than anything i wish i cared less about what everyone else thinks, i act like i have tons of self-esteem, i really dont, and i need someone i can trust 100%, and i used to have that.. used to.. i have my weak moments and times like this i feel ashamed that i feel sorry for me, when i know so many have a worse time. I really doubt anyone got this far, and if you did i'm sorry i wasted your time, i just needed to get this out of my system. Everyone likes me, Almost everyone. i dont...

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  • too long and too forge

  • i can totally relate to you stranger.. i am going through the same thing as well and i just dont know how to stop it. but all this time i thought i was alone so i appreciate you putting it out there. :)

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