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¤ Recurring Nightmare ¤  Being trapped kills me. It's so dark, I can't even see my hands in front of my face. I keep tripping over things, having no idea of what it could be. It's so quiet that I can hear my thoughts scrambling in my head. They become overwhelming. I scream for help but all I hear is the echo of my voice. Am I going crazy? What's going on? I just kept pushing forward to try to find someone or something that could help me escape from this darkness.          Suddenly I feel something warm and gooey. I smelled it. No smell... I had no clue what it could be. I decided to taste it. The taste of fresh blood ran through my taste buds. I knew then that what I was tripping over was indeed, the bodies of the dead. I kept going, trying to look for one person to be alive. That way we could get through this together. Having the hope of not being alone kept me going. The bodies were spread everywhere as if we were in the movie the titanic when the ship sank. With every fall, my heart sank to my stomach. With every doubt of never finding someone alive, the fear of forever being alone flooded into my thoughts. I know that from experiences that being alone is a state that no one wants to be in, A tear fell from my eyes. Thousands more began to follow. My heart was forever scarred. Knowing that all those bodies were laying around and I couldn't do anything but just keep moving forward, scared me. I didn't know what happened or what I did to deserve this. I kept asking God,"Why? Why me Lord? What did I do to be put through this? What kind of person are you to put all those people through a suffering death?" It didn't make since to me. These people are his children! He created them to live on this place called earth. Why would he murder his creations? That's when I began to question who I was and who God really was. My faith, my religion, and my beliefs were thrown out the window. As I began to process this, I realized that I had to get up.. I had to find someone out there who is still breathing. I couldn't give up yet.          I heard someone. I knew I would find someone. Then I heard another after another. A group, I found a group still breathing. I ran faster and faster until I got to them. They were breathing heavy. It sounded as if they were gasping for air. They couldn't catch their breath... I tried so hard to help them, I couldn't do anything. I felt lost. I couldn't see what was going on or what was wrong. At that moment, they took their last breath. They died, I failed. The question I asked myself then was, "What can I do now?" The answer was nothing, nothing at all. I depended on myself to help them and to just give up like I did, probably ruined how the rest of my life was going to be. I let them down. I let myself down. Everything has happened so fast. I was thankful to be alive but not to be alone. I felt like I was being so selfish but at this moment I really didn't care. There really isn't a difference in dying and being alone because inside I'm dying to have someone with me. This word is too big to only have one person living in it. There should be billions of people living in it. Not just one.          I soon came to recognize that everyone I knew and everyone I didn't get to know were dead. My heart got heavy, my eyes were tearing up, my thoughts began to slowly drift away, and it felt like time was standing still. Like  always will. I was tired of being cowardly so I stood up and kept moving. I was hoping that someday there would be light again and people alive. I died every day waiting for something to happen. I thrived to find something I could do to get me through these long and lonely days. My soul was like ice melting by the suns excruciating heat, but in this case it's the darkness sucking the life out of me. It took me forever to feel alright, and to have the lights back into my blue eyes. I was so far away from who I once was. I think to myself all the time, wondering how different I could have handled things.          I was officially in this world all on my own. With no one to talk to about my struggles. I had lost all hope because I know that never again would there be light for me. Knowing that is why I just gave up on everything. I had no one. Most of my life I never really had anyone I trusted to turn to, most people didn't understand who I was. I didn't understand what could be so wrong with me that no body wanted to be there for me. A lot of people know about my past and how bad it was. Well, people can change. I know I have. I push people away. That's probably why I have no one. I grew up not telling a soul when something was wrong with me. I'm just not an open person. I'd rather keep my mouth shut... That's who I am. Oh well. Forever alone I will be...

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