I've always been a very depressed and mistrustful person. When I met my former best friend I was even frightened that he wanted to get closer to me because I'v never experienced that someone would be interested in my life, not even my parents were. After six years he became my boyfriend (so far the only one), it was the first and last time I actually felt hapiness. I totally would have put my life for him at risk. He dumped me for another girl three years ago. Since then I'm almost always drunk, can't forgive him (because he should have known better), but can't hate him, either. By now I established a good circle of friends, but none of them knows I'm still struggeling from his betrayal and only wish to die if I wouldn't know I'd probably destroy some lives by doing that. So, everyone thinks I'm cool with my life, have only some social issues but nothing serious. Truth is, I'm so ready for a mental hospital.