Two month ago, i did the most terrible mistake of my life, i cheated my boyfriend ... we've been in couple for 9 years, we are now 32 (me) and 34 (him), he've always been cheerful, optimistic, independant, i fell in love because he is intelligent and confident ... but there is one thing, i've never though it would be a problem, he told me he may always seem stoic and too calm because his face, his eyes, his expression, his "behavior" may become really frightening. According to his friends, he's the most patient man they know, they always told me that i must'n be afraid of him because it was his curse, that terrible look. With, time, i've never got any (verbal) fight with him, and i tend to think that he lost interest in me, always agreeing with me or always finding a compromise or never be wild in bed (he sastifies me but, sometimes i would like to make it more interesting). Several month ago, an old crush of mine renew the contact with me, in first,it was just for friendship and my boyfriend wasn't bothered with that (at that time, i wasn't surprised), but it became a bit too hot between my old crush and me, two month ago, my boyfriend left on a trip for his company and there were a party at my old crush house, i went, i drank too much, and after the party, when there were nobody apart my old crush and me, i tasted the "forbidden fruit" .... on the morning, when i regain the reason, i knew what i did and i feel ashamed. When my boyfriend came back, i told him and i also understood what he and his friends told me about his curse. His face became red, he looked at me with such anger i though he was able to see through me and heard what i was thinking, in an instant, the glass he was holding broke under his grip, he didn't say anything, he left the apartment with his key, his car and his blooded hand while i was shaking. Later in the night, his best friend knocked at the door, he had received a call from my boyfriend and he was here to reconfort me and to tell me that he was at the hospital. After that, my boyfriend stayed at a motel in order to think, according to his best friend, he did this in the past (being "isolated") and still according to him, he will forgive me for what i dit (but explanations will be needed). Indeed, my boyfriend came back and we had a talk. . Now, he and I are still together, things changed, i learned a lot of about my boyfiend, he is more affectionate but sometimes i can feel him shaking when he's near me because he's afraid of hurting me (link to the glass and his past) and afraid of his reaction. The one-year bail of my old crush will come to the end, i made sure to not see him anymore, specially after i discover that he renewed contact only to do it with me because he too, discover that i had a crush on him. I nearly lost wonderful man, our relationship improves slowly but surely, but, i will still feel ashamed for a long time and i'm sure i deserve it !