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We just had a student kill himself and he is the brother of the boy im in love with. All the sympathy has made him instantly popular and is taking his attention away from me. I am sooo jealous it kills me. His father hates me and wont allow him to date me, part being my race and another being because how i acted in middle school (I had issues then and now im a senior in highschool and he wont let it go) But anyway, ive thought of killing myself almost everyday since the beging of my sophmore year and almost did when the guy I loved broke up with me (his dad made him) Im really jealous of his brother having the balls to actually do it and Im jealous of the guy im in love with for getting so much attention, getting invited to parties, going out drinking and shit. It makes me me feel worse that his dad dosnt think im good enough for him even tho all his kids have SERIOUS issues im considerd the problem....I use to have dreams about killing him.... I dont want to live anymore. I put up a front that Im happy for my family because my sister tried to kill herself too and if I did they would never forgive me. The shame would be overwhelming and everyone would just think I did it for attention. My grades are shit and my teachers dont help. I seriously dont have any urge to go on. I wish I could hire somone to kill me. I think that would be taken better than suicide. Can somone please free me from this torture that is my life...being forced to see the man I love ever fucking day and never being able to do a damn think about it because im not good enough for him!!!......I want to do it tonight.....I want to swallow a whole bottle of pills and drain it down with some vodka and just sleep....sleep forever.....maybe in my dreams he will love me....maybe in my dreams ill be good enough......

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  • 'This guys brother killed himself I'm SO JEALOUS' do you hear yourself? He has lost his brother, someone who has been there his entire life, to suicide. That is not in any way something to be jealous of. Stop getting over dramatic about being in love with people, you are very young, you will fall in love and have crushes so many more times, don't get stuck on one guy. Get a hobby, work on your grades, do stuff for you rather than on focussing how there happens to be one guy you fancy who's too busy MOURNING HIS BROTHERS DEATH.

  • Firstly: PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF. You are worthwhile. People love you. You have a future ahead of you. But just from your message, it does seem like you're not looking at the bigger picture. Someone died. Don't trivialize that. And you're still in high school, so 'true love' and all of that is for when two mature people come together. Just focus on school and look forward to college and finding new friends and cute college men.

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