I don`t know what to do, but here is my dilemma. There is this guy who I have known since kindergarden and I remember having a crush on him then. We went to the same classes in preschool, middleschool and highschool. We didn`t spoke to each other much. We just sometimes said "hey" to each other. I don`t know why but we never like had a proper conversation. We have like, this awkwardness between us. I dont know how to explain this. He has been to my birthdays we have hugged and talked when we are drunk and we even had a friendly kiss when we were playing a came (also drunk) at a party. In middleschool he and I were alone just the two of us in the corridor. It was dark outside and we were standing next to a window and he fogged the glass with his breath and then he painted a heart with his finger. I don`t remember much about it but I still remeber it. I think I asked something about our homework after it. I think I should have said something about it but at the time I had a low self-esteem and I was afraid that he might laugh at me. The point of the story is that time passes and I think that I don`t have a crush on him but then I see him and Im back to square one. Plus, there is always a catch. He is quite handsome, he can get every girl he wants and usually he just makes out with easy, blonde cheerleader kind of girls. He usually pretends to be this party guy who gets drunk and stuff. But I have known him very long and I can say that really he is an awesome and smart guy. In the end I am just so confused about the whole thing. I don`t want those feelings anymore, because I´m tired of them. He has never been in a serious relationship and we hardly ever see each other anymore. Phh... confusing.