I am so depressed about holidays coming up. Its halloween and im just not looking forward to anything. My boyfriends birthday is on halloween and i had some plans to do for him on his birthday but since we broke up before...its like i dont even want to go through this anymore. I really loved him and it hurts me so bad to the point i just want to sit in the dark and cry my eyes out. Im so heart broken its actually hurting my stomach inside and heart. I was going to be so happy i didnt have to spend the holidays alone like i do every other year..i couldnt wait to introduce him to my extended family during the holidays. Now im just going to be alone...i might even show up to all the christmas eve festives drunk like i did last year. I sure as hell felt better and it did numb the pain. Im just ugh...i miss him so much..i always wonder if he thinks of me or misses me. We both cried when we broke up because he never has the time for anything especially a relationship. So thats why we had to break up.