I've been depressed for the better part of the last 7 years. Every single one of my attempts at happiness has been met with a stone wall which I am incapable of breaking down either because of misunderstandings. lack of experience, a severe lack of self confidence, stubbornness, or a combination of the above . I have no one I fully trust to turn to for advice, and every day is a living hell. Almost every day I wake up cursing the fact that I did, and almost every night I go to sleep wishing I won't wake up the next day. The only reason I don't kill myself is the love I have for my family and the unwillingness to cause them so much grief and confusion since they know nothing. They wouldn't be able to help me anyway.