Take it off your chest...
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Okay. I'm going on a rant rant becaucause it's just been on my mind for a long time and i feel i really have to let this off my chest with the safety if no one knowing who I am. I have EXTREME OCD. I'm not kidding. And please no hate, it's just kind of a thing thats been getting worse and I don't want to take medication for it because I feel it will take a part of me away. And no I'm not faking for attention, its been a thing I've lived with since I can remember. It started really small, like when I had gotten colored candies and couldnt just eat them like normal toddlers. I'd get a pack of skittles or smarties and then had to dump them all out on the table, see what colors there was, eat the extra colored ones so that they were all at the same number, arrange them to the color of the rainbow, and then eat one by one of eatch color till they were all gone. My family would find it so cute as i just went to work. I wouldn't eat them normally by just eating them, infact I couldn't, it would bug me so much that I couldn't enjoy them, not that I was a bratty kid, I was vary well behaved. But continuing on, over the years it would get worse, id draw everything exact, I went through a stage of wearing one single color a day and nothing else because it just seemed so right, like I'd wear complealy blue one day, from my hair tie to my underwear. I had the cleanest room you could think of, I'd organize EVERYTHING, and I was like 6 too. I would always help around the house to make sure everything was right, and I never got below 80 in my marks, I still havent, and then I do get around 80 on something I get so ashamed of myself and mentally freak out, I mean I panic at a 91% in math, at they highest of all my clesses and my stomach still turns when I dont see a 100%. Carrying on. It's gotten crazier by the day. Now I have my room dust free, everything organized by color and season, trype or shirt to fabric. Everything as neat as I can get it. Every day I spend a hour in the morning just making sure my symmetry is exact, I even fuss over my part in my hair all the time because maybe its not straught, or a couple of hairs went to the other side making it off balance. I refuse to buy clothes that are not symmetrical, like no shirts with a pocket on one side, or shoes with laces that are different colors. (Shivers) You have no idea how many people ive seen wear those shoes and then the next day I come to school and give them a pack of shoe laces that are all the same color and tell them if they don't want me to complain stop making me go crazy during class. But only if I know them, I have my limits. I cant have anything wrong or ill slowly die inside or just get really agitated and then slap. Im one of those people that if I go to someones house I'll sit there for about 10 minutes then I cant take it anymore and then start to straiton crooked picture frames, organize the little things, turn objects with labels so they are facing outword, but I still respect peoples pricey. Usally my freinds just find it funny amusing as the gears in my head turn to full spead. The thing that acually got my bff and i going to be best freinds was us hanging out in her room and shes truly the messiest person I know, after a wile she saw how figity I was getting and asked what was wrong, I finally told her I have OCD and she laughed, sprawled out on her bed, gave me a smartass smirk and said "Go till your little OCD loving heart dies of happiness" I almost cried from joy. Lol. But yeah, I cant deal with anything out of place, everything has to be symmetrical, I cant have furniture that doesnt match or home aplinces (like the time I was out with my grandma and she has everything in her kitchen stainless steel and wanted to get a plastic white dish washer, I really wanted to cry inside, lets just say we went with getting stainless steel) I make lists for every single thing you can make a list for, I wont wear any colors that just dont mach, have to be complimentary colors or plain colors, everything has to have a place, I fix things a lot of the time withought knowing it, and my freinds find it amusing a lot of the time. Oh yeah, and my favorite number is 8 because of the symmetry, and yes it was Death The Kid that made it my favorite number, but really all my did was piont out the symmetrical value of it and I felt dumb because I hadnt noticed it till then. And I will be vary suprized if anyone even reads or finishes reading this, I dont think so, but mostly it was to just get the stress out even if no one hears it, I already feel better. And I applied you if you actually survived the hole thing.

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  • Whats the tldr?

  • I respect you, your sincerity and your determination to express yourself in such a complete and well explained way.

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