When the love of my life died with our unborn child I took up drinking and became the worst imaginable type of person. There is no counting the people I've hurt and wronged. I will never make up for it. I've spent literally half of my life trying to fix my mistakes and be the best person I can but I'll never get past this. What few friends I have I'm distancing myself from so that when I dissappear no one will miss me. If I had dealt with it when it happened instead of burying my head beneath the sand and cheap whiskey and vodka then maybe I would've moved on and not have so much guilt but I chose to hide. I've got little or nothing left keeping me going. I wake up in the night from nightmares in a hungover craze every night and morning. I just want it to stop.