If Im honest with myself, in the year 2014 everything I did or tried to do that meant something to me failed. Mostly it came really close to the goal, when I didn't expect it anymore. I consider myself a somewhat fragile personality, and it took a lot of my strengh away. Because of that, I started to "prepare" myself mentally for a potential failure everytime I tried something. In january I have a big thing that will determine my future. I don't have any strenght left to prepare for a failure, so I kind of just assume it's going to work... and the fear of what my reaction to failing this time again would be is growing every day. I feel like I would just burst into pieces. This thing is my last chance to keep going. I can not take another year like that, i really can't.