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If Im honest with myself, in the year 2014 everything I did or tried to do that meant something to me failed. Mostly it came really close to the goal, when I didn't expect it anymore. I consider myself a somewhat fragile personality, and it took a lot of my strengh away. Because of that, I started to "prepare" myself mentally for a potential failure everytime I tried something. In january I have a big thing that will determine my future. I don't have any strenght left to prepare for a failure, so I kind of just assume it's going to work... and the fear of what my reaction to failing this time again would be is growing every day. I feel like I would just burst into pieces. This thing is my last chance to keep going. I can not take another year like that, i really can't.

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  • Dont know if anybody would care, but just to say it - i failed. I didnt burst into pieces, i imploded. I had a mental breakdown and im in a closed therapy place now. I know i should want to get better, i should want to keep trying to find my way and thats what i keep telling everyone - but the only thing i want is to die and thats what ill do as soon as i get out of here. First i need to get out cause im on surveillance all the time and i dont want to fail at dieing too. Well thanks for listening, internet, over and out.

  • Good luck

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