Here it goes... I'm a fake. I pretend I'm living the life, I pretend I have a ton of friends outside school, I pretend that I don't care and I have everything under control, I pretend life is a party. Truth is, I am alone. I'm just a lonely, depressed little girl with an alcohol problem and those "friends" on the outside just stick around because I entertain them with my drunkenness and stories from when I was crazier (which they don't believe, but I'm too f*cked up to care) and they probably just want to get in my pants anyway. My family and sweetheart are all overseas all the time and I almost never see them, I'm alienated at school. I don't know how to talk to normal teenagers anymore. The loneliness is killing me. I wish the pain of being such a pathetic creature could just end already, I need to live for them though. So I keep drinking, bury myself in work and sports, anything but go inside myself. I'll continue my lie, it is a good one. Its the kind of lie that makes the people you love happy and not worry about that time you tried to kill yourself, or that time where you refused to eat. They think you're ok. School thinks I'm ok, counsellor doesn't bother me. Family thinks I'm ok, they can focus on their own problems in comfort knowing that I am "healthy and happy", sweetheart thinks I'm ok, he can focus on his career and make money so that he won't have to leave anymore. I hate my existence, but I don't want to leave him alone in this world, and I don't want to be followed into the next.