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My dad treats me like absolute shit. He's constantly screaming and yelling at my mother and I, while my little brother gets caught up in it. To make matters worse, he has an illness which significantly shortens his life span. He always tries to avoid responsibility, and blames everyone but himself for everything. He always has to make such a big deal out of everything. He doesn't work anymore so he refuses to leave the house. He always yells at me and tells me I don't respect him. He's even put up some of his family members into talking to me, saying that I "need to respect him". I'm sorry but respect is earned and he's done absolutely nothing to earn any from me. These people have no right to tell me to respect him when they have no idea what he does to my family. They have absolutely no clue what he puts us through. He's actually blamed me for his dying state before. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but to some extent I guess I feel responsible. I can't stand him but he's my dad and I feel like I'm being forced to like him. I mean I try to like him, but then he says something or does something so cruel that I give up. I've gotten to the point where I cry myself to sleep at night, wishing things were back to what they used to be when I was a kid, he didn't have this stupid illness, and we all got along. Why does this stuff always happen to me. I never thought I could ever feel this sad, like a huge sinking feeling in my chest. I've only ever told one person about this, but I only scraped the surface of how this whole situation is bothering me. They just told me that crying is good, "just cry and let it all out". Well I've been crying for a long time now. There's a huge part of me that feels like I just can't do it. I don't want to cry anymore.

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