I'm almost 20 (male). I don't have contacts with my family and I have no friends to speak of. I live alone, go to university. I spent most of November and December next to my only ever girlfriend (we've been together for just over five years) in the hospital, next to her bed. I lost her to cancer in early hours of 1st of January this year. I'm failing almost all of my classes, I'm severely depressed, have social anxiety, suicidal tendencies and I don't see any reason to live anymore. I don't sleep, I hardly eat and I spend most of nights on a bridge over train tracks thinking if I should jump or not. I have a history of depression over the past few years, starting in high school. I attempted to commit suicide once before, but I was barely saved by paramedics. I was almost put in a psych ward then. I never told this to anyone other than my girlfriend and I thought maybe it would help to share. It doesn't.