I keep thinking about him, and it's haunting me that I didn't go and talk to him at the party to sort things out. I read other peoples similar stories, and their advice is always to just do it and don't be scared, but I'm not like them. I have fear. I'm awkward, stumble over my words, fiddle with my fingers, say the wrong things, laugh too much ect. At least with a little bit of alcohol I could somehow control and let myself loose, but that party was the only one I've ever seen him at, and he most likely won't come to other parties I'm going to.