I made a mistake. I hooked up with my ex. We made out, masturbated together, and he fingered me. I don't want to do that again. He just kept trying to kiss me and I got tired of fighting. It felt nice. But it was wrong. I don't want to get back together, and he knows that. Physically, it's not great. And emotionally, it's been downright terrible sometimes. The entire time, I was thinking of the guy I really like. He's the one I want. It felt like I was cheating on him somehow. I'm not dating either, and the guy I like doesn't know I'm interested, but it still felt like cheating. I wasn't fantasizing about being with him, but I just thought of him and felt dirty. I don't even know if I want to be friends with my ex. But he said he loves me and missed me. I feel wrong. I'm not telling anyone about this. I know this is also messed up, but I want to tell my ex about the guy I like. I don't have any other friends I can talk about him with. I want to talk about it with someone, and my ex boyfriend isn't the best person to come to for that, but it's driving me nuts.