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My lack of love story: Throught the years I have really invested myself in several guys and I've been rejected by them all. i recall my first crush saying "eww" to me. It tends to take me a while to fall for a guy I like so I'm usually knowingly friendzoned and spend months, maybe years crushing on them. Each and every time I was rejected, I was devistated and embarrassed and i would just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. I grew jealous of my friend's relationships and tried to find some kind of outlet for my loneliness. I tried to confide in my friends and after a while they grew annoyed with me, i tried to spend my time with them to destract myself but they all had boyfriends and other friends they'd rather of been with. I tried to take up more hobbies to busy myself but I can't work 24/7. I made a blog to complain to, and I loved it! Eventually I was over it all. I became a sort of temporary asexual and did not allow myself to be interested in any boys. I remained supportive of my friend's relationships and pretended it didn't bother me. I was generally okay with being single for a good year or so. when one of my friends left her boyfriend, i was happy in the inside, not only for myself but for her as they were never good together. Now however, she has guys all talking to and flirting with her on the daily - she hates the attention and wishes only more attractive men would come along. I pretend to be supportive and care about her problems but honestly, i can't fathom that many men wanting me at once and an jealous of her. I yet again want a man. I want that special kind of companionship that you can only get from a relationship. ( I said "man" a lot to make myself sound older but what's the point? I'm in high school. I know what you're going to say now - you're young and you have plenty of time! I know that; the key is, I don't care. Is it so bad that i want to be happy with someone now?) I'm not extremely picky, i have only ever had two guys like me; one of the two flirted with everyone and reminded my too much of my little brother to be romantic with, and the other was younger than me. not that that's a red flag, we just had little we could relate on. When i finally told him I didn't think I was interested YET (I very specifically said yet) he rubbed his new girlfriend in my face just two days later. Even with that being said, I don't want pity. I don't want advice. i just want to find someone. I'm sick of being alone, not pined for, and completely rejected. 💔

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  • I feel to way to gurl, omg

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