I'd rather be on cloud four with you than down there and all alone. I know it's just translated song lyrics, but this is basically how I feel at the moment. You see, all of my friends are in relationships at the moment. My best friend doesn't have a boyfriend, but she lives 400 km away from me and is pretty much out of reach. There's one guy in my circle of friends that is single, and we kind of had a thing, but he told me he didn't want a relationship, and I was very glad about that, because I normally prefer to be single. Well, now when I invite my friends over, they bring their boyfriends without asking. I found out that they didn't just forget to ask me, but that one of them actively decided not to notify me about the "friend vacation" we wanted to do together. They're all couples there. Instead of me, whom they know for more than 8 years, they took this guy and a girl that several of my friends don't even talk to because of a silly argument. And when some of my better friends asked why I wasn't coming, this one "friend", who was organizing the trip, told them she asked me and I didn't want to. Now all of that wouldn't be so bad, but whenever I ask them to hang out, they either have no time or bring their boyfriends/girlfriends and I have to watch them make out for hours and can't even throw them out, because I can't even get their attention for a second. And by now, I really want a relationship too. Just so someone is there for me. My family basically ignores me, and I have so much stuff I'd like to talk about and be the one to seek advice for a change, not be the one giving it. My aunt is dying of cancer, my pregnant cousin still doesn't speak to the whole family, my grandma has a really bad heart disease, my great-aunt who was basically my third grandma all my life has dementia and doesn't even recognize me, and her husband just died of cancer, also. My dad has gotten sick, too. And I really would like to get away from all of that, if only for a few hours. But lately, my friends only seem to make me even more miserable. Don't get me wrong, my life is good - I was sick for years and am finally healthy again (at least I feel really good and can do tons of stuff I couldn't before, although my condition isn't exactlly on top again (not a big surprise - 7 years sickness vs half a year of health isn't much)). I'm happy about summer, happy about finally being able to go out into the sun and ride my bike and go swimming without being in constant excruciating pain. I'm actually really happy. But still, I'm sad that my friends are neglecting me so much. I'm really lonely.