I have this felling since I was a kid. I know, it is wrong, but I can't do anything against it. the only thing I can do, is not telling anyone and behaving normal, but deep in myself I'm a racist. I often caught myself, thinking that black people are less worth than me. I live at a place, where everyone is worth the same. And I want to be really like antiracist. Somehow my feelings seem like to be out of another time, like probably the sixties? And then I feel happy if a black man or woman is sitting in the front part of the bus. For the sixties, this would've been a really futurous thinking... but not for 2015... now, thats racist, because it means, I still somehow support these racist thoughts of separation. Everybody says, racism is taught, and you're not born with it, but I'm not sure about that. Yes, probably my grandmother taught me a bit, because she was naturally scared of everything, but she was the one, telling me, that the n-word is not ok... So, since I think, reincarnation might be an actual thing, I'm wondering if my previous me was racist and I kept something of that... It bothers me really, that I'm not able to change my mind, even though I know it is so wrong.But what I know is, that I do my best to not show anyone whats going on in my mind, because I know it is wrong.