I take the freeway when I get off work to go home. I randomly accelerate towards a car to hit it but stop myself before I do, but everyday I seem to get closer.
You are experiencing ‘Call of the Void’. When my six year old is being a little shit I imagine myself grabbing him by the back of the head and mashing his face into a wall Gregor Clegane style. But I don’t.
Maybe go see a therapist? Or ram into an inanimate object at least, don't ruin someone else's time because you are unhappy/bored/want to watch the (your) world burn
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