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I don't really know what to do.. I've made a lot of mistakes, and a lot of people I care about has gotten hurt from my mistakes.. I've hated myself since I was little.. I got bullied, and blamed it on myself.. like I did something to deserve their hatred. I learned what depression what pretty young, and I never really got rid of it. I couldn't find the will to care about myself, and so I cared about others. I devoted my life to helping people, and I've been trying to still. I went through a bad break up, and I put myself in therapy. I learned how to care about myself, but I could never forgive my mistakes.. now I keep losing people I care about because of mistakes.. I try to do what's right, I try to help people.. I have hope that I can help people.. I know if I lost the ability to be even remotely useful to someone else I'd end my life in a heartbeat.. I think about going back to cutting, but I promised people I wouldn't. I think about the gun on my wall, and how I keep ammo in my dresser.. I know I could end it but I'm looking for every reason not to.. I want to do good in the world.. but I keep making mistakes..

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