For my entire life, I have felt completely misunderstood.. always. I have like the biggest heart of anyone I know and somehow I always end up looking like the jerk. It's like the harder I try to do the right thing or make someone else happy, the worse I look. I just don't get it. I've made mistakes like anyone else, but feel like I'll be paying for mine the rest of my life. Others who have made worse mistakes or just aren't good people get to move on and be happy, but not me... I have the worst luck of anyone I know. It's not fair. I believe in karma, but... when do I get to be happy or be rewarded for being smart, caring, fun, loving and respectful?? Why does MY life have to be so hard? I don't understand. I'm always broke, always in pain, always working hard, always misread, etc. I see people who are assholes, lazy, abusive, addicts, ugly or ignorant and they have all the things I feel like I deserve. I know envy is an evil feeling and I'm grateful for what & who I have, but seriously... it's f***** up. I'm 42 & a mom. I don't want to die feeling this way... and yet something tells me I will.