Ive been seeing someone twice my senior and feel really happy like nothing else matters when we are together. but I just can't seem to find the courage to actually be with him. he's been so kind and patient, we get along really well and he's even said I can move in if needs be. I'm just afraid of having to tell my family especially my mom and also of what they will think. I don't want my mom to be disgusted but I know she will, she's not one to mince her words and it would break my heart for her to look at me with shame. I'm black and he's white, plus a lot older. I know she wouldn't approve. I also know that it's my life and I'm old enough to make my own decisions but for some reason I just can't bite the bullet and I can't understand why. I don't want people to think I'm just settling, as I'm only 21. also my attraction to a guy isn't always about looks, it's has to be about the person too and I know that he'll be judged based on all those things.. I don't know what to do. we still get along as friends but have decided to stay away from each other until I make up my mind. I now feel ten times worse because as I'm single I've been seeing a guy more my age bracket. and though he is fit af, he doesn't have the maturity that I often like in a man.... I don't know what to do!! I feel terrible leaving the older guy hanging, and even worse for seeing somebody else who doesn't give me what I know I need. I just want to be happy, God this love thing is so hard.