Remembering the goodtimes with the people i love, and realize that each one has slowly drift apart. Slowly has their own life, slowly has their own thing to do. Not knowing that are they happy nor are they enjoying it. Some are thousand miles away and some are so close yet so far away. Not knowing how've they been, not knowing how i've been. Meeting up and catching up is hard now, not knowing am i worth their time. Maybe i'm just being too emotional. Some are already permanently gone, only pictures and memories who stayed. Not knowing what to do with it, miss them tons but every time i see them in dreams. I always end up waking up crying. Maybe i haven't gone past it, haven't moved on. The food that they eat, the places that we've used to be together, the things that we always do brings it all back. Maybe i'm just a very emotional guy. Maybe. The emotional burden, it hurts. What if i was gone, permanently gone. Would they all miss me like i miss them when they're still here? Meditating with cigarets and alcohol isn't healthy but at least it ease it out. Slowly killing my self. I am just busy dying not busy living. Idk what i even feel, the feeling i feel isn't free. I can't just express it, that is why i just keep telling stories like it was my own. Maybe in that way you people won't feel my pain, that i am just genuinely a happy chap.