I have these really strange and nonsexual ideas about love. In fact, I see them as two completely separate things. I don't have sexual fantasies, instead I fantasize about really intense, destructive and mostly asexual relationships between morally ambiguous or even downright psychotic people. I think it's because I had a difficult childhood and somewhere (very early) my conception of love and abuse just sort of meshed together. Because of this (and other things), I've accepted that I'll never find anyone willing to love me, even though it's the only thing I really want.