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I have these really strange and nonsexual ideas about love. In fact, I see them as two completely separate things. I don't have sexual fantasies, instead I fantasize about really intense, destructive and mostly asexual relationships between morally ambiguous or even downright psychotic people. I think it's because I had a difficult childhood and somewhere (very early) my conception of love and abuse just sort of meshed together. Because of this (and other things), I've accepted that I'll never find anyone willing to love me, even though it's the only thing I really want.

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  • Never really put that in words, but I guess that's just how I feel. I had a difficult childhood myself, the person I was supposed to love and trust the most abused me for years, so somehow I can't accept beeing loved without getting hurt at the same time. Therefore I never had a real relationship with a man, it was either about sex or just like really close friends. When I was raped I didn't feel bad about it, I just accepted it and moved on, my friends cried, but I just don't see the connection between love and sex, sex to me is just a physical thing like hugging someone.

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