So it's been almost a year since I dated this girl whose name starts with an M, but when I first started dating her I then I learned that my ex whose name starts with a S had cut herself because of my relationship status. I loved my ex, I have a connection with her that I've never felt with anyone else before. I went back to my ex only for her to dump me 4 months later so she could focus on her issues. Truthfully we both had serious mental conflicts that we dealt with. Mine revolving around depression, hers around anxiety. Anyways I felt so awful for what I did to M. I was honest with her, I told her what was going on, and how I couldn't let S hurt herself, and she forgave my decision. It took me a while to build up the strength to actually talk to M again just feeling so guilty about it. I knew I should have stayed with her, but I had to try with my ex. Now it's been almost a year since that happened and S is gone. She treats me like a stranger, and despite what we had she can somehow act like we never had anything. Which bothered me, but I let it go. I tried dating a few times in the year, but nothing has gone well. I decided I wanted to be friends with M. I apologized and explained myself. Again she forgave me to my surprise. We were friends but we didn't talk too much after. Now I talk to M on a daily basis, and we're thinking about trying again, trying for real now that we've both matured, worked through our issues, as we're getting ready to leave highschool soon, and it's great. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life, and M makes it even better. I want to tell her I love her honestly, I want to wrap my arms around her and feel her embrace. I'd cry in her shoulder, and I'd ask for help if I fell. While at the same time I try to be the best boyfriend I can to her. I don't claim to know everything about love, truthfully I feel I know very little about it, but I feel it when I'm around her. I wear a genuine smile that I've never worn before, and feel a thousand times lighter. My hope now is that M will go out with me, and we can make it work, and it's beautiful. As it should have been last year, but now I'm just better off. My one hope is that M will treat my scars with a soft hand, because I'm too use to flinching at a clenched fist.