Hi this is really hard for me to say but I'm 14 n m a guy.... my dad loves soccer and I'm not one of those person who is into video games or sports...but I'm have this weigh on my back I can't shake it off. Tbh my mom and I are survivors my grandma use to treat my mom like shit and my mom had no one to talk to, her parents are far away the only person she talks is to me. Even though I pretend to be Strong and happy, the thing is I'm not okay.. . my dad is alcoholic , he used to beat up my mom but I defended her. The fact is I feel like I'm letting my family down.... I can't even go outside thinking someone will beat me up.. I always stay in my room to protect myself at least that's what I think I'm doing. When I go outside I feel like everyone is starring at me judging me. I feel weak I even had some suicidal thought but then I remember how mom will be if I'm not there for her. I'm her ticket to get her out of this hell hole we live in. I have to study, do work, pay bills. The fact is I can't look at guys, I always feel like they will take me to the conner and beat me up till I'm dead. I wanna keep my grades up but all I seem to focus on the internet because I'm depressed it's not just a phase it what hurts the most. Ik some people have worst then me but it keeps me down when I think about my depressing life.