Take it off your chest...
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For the most part, I don't like people. I like being alone, but I get lonely, at times unbearably so. From time to time, I meet someone that fills the void, but I have this inexplicable tendency to just vanish on them. Nothing bad would happen, everything would be going good, then suddenly I would just stop talking to them. And I lie, I lie about things that I have no need to lie about, things that happened to a 'friend', my sexual history (tbh - 2 girl, 3 boys - yes boys, I did this at age 6 to 10 - and 2 dogs - wtf ikr), what I did over the weekend, things I do for fun, pretty much anything and everything. I have no idea why. The only reason I am posting this here is because I feel that I don't have anyone to talk to these things about and I had the need to tell someone. I don't think I have any actual friends as I am always the one to initiate contact, if I stay quiet, I don't hear anything from anyone for months on end. I have tried committing suicide before and I still contemplate it from time to time, but I probably won't do it. I have accepted my loneliness and I'm embracing it, not going out, not talking to anyone unless necessary and not making an effort to make a connection to someone. I choose to follow this dark road, where it leads me I don't know, but I do know that wherever I go, I'll be alone when I get there.

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  • its okay if you like to be alone once in awhile but you, just like everyone else, needs to talk to someone once in awhile. I'm just talking a guess here but maybe you don't like people because you get bored of them? maybe you just need someone you get along with, someone that you can talk to about things that interest you, or maybe you need to get some help getting over this "not liking people" thing but you have a choice you know, life is what you make it to be and i don't think anyone deserves to be alone, but you will be if you choose to be. as for the suicide thing, giving up like that is never the right answer (trust me because I've been there too) if you're running out of options then you might as well get some help and sort these problems out. i really hope you change your mind about being alone, because it doesn't sound like the type of life anyone should have to go through, anyway i wish you the best and i hope you sort things out

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