To T, It's been 3 years. I still think about you every day. Not because I want you back but because there's so much I didn't have the chance to say. I'm so much better now, I passed my A levels. I got into university. I'm just a few months from graduating. I did all those things you thought I'd never be able to do. And most important of all, I fell in love, again. I knew you were always afraid of that. Afraid that I'd finally let you go and be happy. On my own. And with someone else. For a long time, I let you control my feelings, my self worth and my dwindling hopes for all future relationships. You see up until today I held nothing but hatred and sadness when I thought of you. But today is different. Today I feel nothing. No hatred. No sadness. Today I realised you no longer control my feelings. Today I realised when I was just a 16 year old girl trying to get through being sexually abused and going home to a violent father you were never there for me. Today I realised you manipulated me and used my vulnerability to your advantage. Today I realised you were no different from my father. No different from my abuser. So today I want to thank you for teaching me the value of resilience. And life. I almost gave that up because of you. I know you'll never realise what you did to me (was wrong). And I'm no longer waiting for you to realise. From, N.