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What's the least hurtful way to break up? Face to face is the best way i guess?

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  • I have no idea about what advice to give to this, but I am going to tell you my last breakup story. Personally, I think face to face works best for most people. Just not my Ex. He was psychologically instable, which I hadn't known when we got together. He always mocked me because I used to be depressed and suicidal (I was FAR over it by the time we got together) and was just very insensitive about everything. When my aunt died of cancer and I cancelled the first time of meeting his family for her funeral, he told me that her death was insignificant and that his friend (who he wasn't really that close with, as it turned out later) died of cancer too a few years ago and he didn't cancel our dates because of that. (Mind you, we were going out for about a month at that point and I didn't know him when his friend died.) After he spoiled a whole day for me by constantly arguing with me about the most stupid topics in public (I tried agreeing, telling him to shut up, giving arguments based on facts, EVERYTHING, but he started up again on the same topic over and over) so loud that strangers actually got involved in this, I decided to break up. He sounds like a very dominant person in this, like he was controlling, but he actually had a pretty weak personality and did absolutely nothing he wasn't told to do. He was whiny, wimpy, and became an ass very soon, as you probably read out of my description. Still, after only a month of dating, he talked about marriage, giving up his job to move in with me and tried to forbid me to move in with my best friend, who is a female and who he really wouldn't have to worry about if he wasn't such a jealous creep. I decided to break up face to face, because he was really attached to me and I was pretty sure he was going to have a mental breakdown. And he did. At first he went silent, then he asked me why. He had this horrible kicked-puppy look. I really didn't want to tell a person that was already pretty down that he was the most annoying and horrible person I ever met in my entire life, and I really had expected him to take the reason I previously gave him (I just didn't develop feelings for you) as enough, so I didn't have a reason behind this. I tried telling him our personalities didn't fit together, he wanted to know why. I told him we were just to different, he insisted we were absolutely the same. (Nope. Thank God not.) I told him I can't change it and I don't love him. He told me if I don't tell him who I'm breaking up for he's going to kill himself. I told him there is nobody else. He threatened me with suicide again. By that point he also started insulting me. I was pretty close to just telling him to go ahead and kill himself, but I caught myself just in time and told him I was breaking up for a friend that he disliked anyway and that I had a nearly-relationship with before I met my ex. He insulted me, with some very, very harsh words. I told him he could talk about this calmly or I was going to leave. He insulted me. I suggested he should go home and copulate with his knee and left. He proceeded to stalk me, my friends and in particular the poor guy I told him I had a crush on for the following months, untill I demonstrated to him that I wasn't kidding when I told him I had a black belt in karate. He also hacked my friends computer and did other pretty nasty stuff. I don't say you shouldn't break up face to face. It's the best way for the other person, if they're not a total nutjob. It's just very hard for yourself, and if they are anything like my precious Ex, you're going to regret that you broke up with a talk and an explanation instead of with an axe, a chainsaw and a bulldozer tearing down their house. By now I'm pretty indifferent about him, but I did not have a relationship again yet, even though it's been three years. And I still sometimes wish I'd just told him that he was a total f*ck-up and would need to change his behaviour, or else no one was ever going to want him, except they were absolutely demented themselves. Also he didn't even look good and was way below my league, I just thought he was a really nice person before we started dating. And this is everything I can tell about breaking up face to face. Normally, it works. It has worked at all my previous relationships, there is just a lot of stress for yourself involved and you will get hurt too, in some way. But next time I break up face to face, I'll bring a stapler to beat the guy with, a cop and a restraining order.

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