I love my bf more than anything in this world, still waking up next to him and fall in love all over again. He, the person, feels right. But as much as he has helped me make a foundation to my life, helped me in depression, helped me to a stronger mind and led me to rediscover the feeling of curiosity for the world, I still feel the everyday life with him is holding my spirit back. I don't know why or how, but it feels constrained. I know he wants me to let out my creativeness but I know he would be upset if I went all out. The apartment has a certain style... He wants to let me introduce more random color, but it's easy to see that he don't really like it... I feel so ashamed and scared, I want to punish myself severely.